The Dalai Mama

I grew up thinking my parents had a perfect relationship. I saw them argue, I heard them argue, but every night, when my dad came home, he went up to the kitchen where Mom was usually preparing dinner and he held her. And he kissed her. And he squeezed her butt and made her giggle and I knew they were happy.

So when I got married, I expected that in the end, as long as the bottom line was that you loved each other, any marriage could succeed.

And then I got divorced, in a failure of epic proportions.

A year later, a man, a boy, really, asked me to marry him. And I said yes, but I had my reservations. I had failed so miserably before that I didn't trust my own instincts.

I talked with my mom. I told her my fears, my concerns, my doubts. We talked for a long time, about what, exactly, I can't recall, but one thing she said has stayed with me during these past 15 years. It's the voice of reason in my head when Marriage, the Institution, is having an off day.

I had told her that I wanted to have a relationship like she had with Dad.

And she looked at me and she laughed gently and she said, "Paige. My life hasn't always been what I had imagined. There were days that I wanted to pack my bags and walk out that door and not look back. But I didn't. I stayed because I knew that Life with your Dad was better than Life without him."

That day, she taught me that marriage, no matter how it looks on the outside, is work on the inside. And that it was ok to have doubts; that Marriage is worth the effort as long as the end result does not subtract from my Self.