We're watching "The Real World, San Diego". Ooooooh, it makes me miss SD so much. I really never thought I'd want to live there again, but I am finding that the longer we're away, the more I think of it as "home". I miss the sunshine, the mild temps, the ocean...I miss the people, the casual atmosphere, the sportiness. I miss The Zoo, Sea World, Downtown...Julian, Hillcrest, La Jolla.
In my unconscious mind, when I think about leaving Japan and going back to The States, I instincively think we're going back to SD. Then I remember that we'll be going just about anywhere BUT. It's difficult to know that we'll be leaving Japan in the next 9 months, but not know where we'll next pitch our tent. Every other move we've made, we've known our destination for many, many months in advance. We've been able to prepare our minds for what was coming. But this time is different. Maybe part of it is that I am getting so anxious to get on with the next step in our lives...
On the flip side of that yearning is the knowledge that no matter where we go, we will not find the camaraderie and solidarity that exists within this squadron. It's hard to put into words what happens over here. You arrive, not knowing what to expect, leaving your family and any familiar support system behind, and before you know it, you have made 80 stangers into your family and best friends. Just like in a family, we have our arguments and personality clashes; we have the occasional black sheep, but on the whole, the pilots and their wives within this squadron develop exceptional and unique relationships. It's not a function of "Japan" or even this base; it is unique to this squadron, this bond that we form. We have to look out for each other in the life-changing, as well as the inconsequential situations. There is no one else to turn to. That kind of connection is something I haven't felt since I met my girlfriend Jen in college. In this crazy, ever-changing, Navy-way-of-life, we make friendships knowing that in a year, or two, or three, this person that we have gotten to know so well during this tour or that tour, will slowly slip off the radar screen of our every-day lives. That they will leave and someone new will arrive to fill the emptiness. It's so sad that we realize this and accept it, but it's a part of life for us. It's a coping mechanism. But here, for the first time in 3 tours of duty, I've allowed several closer friendships to form. I didn't even really "allow" it. It's an inevitable function of life within our squadron. And each departure, of each of these special people, has left another little hole in my heart that I must adapt to and ignore, and continue on with my every-day life. It's been a blessing and a curse at the same time, but has left me with an experience that I will treasure for a lifetime.
But it is so very draining. And because of that, I'm ready to move on. I've come to the point that I don't want to make such close relationships anymore. In the immortal words of my dad, "I don't want any more fuckin' friends. I've got enough fuckin' friends".
That's all I'm sayin'.
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