Vanity or Guilt?

So here's the issue:

I'm wondering WHY I go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week and run 2 or 3 miles each time....

So I can stay in shape and look better?

Well, I've gained 15 pounds in the last 4 years (I blame it on "Japan" - not the excess eating and drinking) and have spent the last 4 years exercising MORE than I have since high school (maybe a year or 2 in college...).

First of all, the gym simply pisses me off. The best time (and quite frankly the only realistic time) to go is first thing in the morning. Well, unlike some of you smiley, sing-songy, perky, sinfully cheerful, bright-eyed-freaks, I do not "do" mornings well. And to have to give up my coffee, get dressed, yank my hair into a ponytail, and expose myself to the downright freezing temps (hey, 45 degrees CAN be freezing to some people - it all depends on your perspective!) by 8am puts my happy-meter into a serious funk.

Then, I'm at the gym, on the treadmill, and in 20 minutes am sweating profusely, and coughing and wheezing because my Exercise-Induced-Asthma has kicked in, and I'm flailing about, while meanwhile, some bouncy, clothes-matching, perma-smiling, skinny-ass cheerleader type is running next to me, non-stop, for 45 minutes without breaking a sweat. (I hate her.)

On top of that, I have these crappy post-gymnast, post-diver, post-ski-accident knees that just THROB after a piddly-ass 3 mile run. It makes me want to lay my butt right back down on the couch and not move for the rest of the day. There is not enough Motrin on the planet to take away the pulsating ache. And then, when I get in bed at night and I'm trying to relax, they really start mocking me with the "ha, ha, you're old and out-of-shape, and we're here to remind you by throbbing you to insanity..."

And then, after all that, I'm STILL 36 years old and only 5'3"... 5'2"... (whatever) with short, stubby arms & legs. (I'm, honestly, only inches away from being a full-blown midget.) I could run my ass off, all day long, every day, and never look like Charlize Theron.

So, I ask myself: Is going to the gym a matter of Vanity...or Guilt?