OCDog

When you're a Grandma, and your kids move to the Upper Peninula of Michigan or Timbuktu, you like to keep them informed on the goings-on at home. So you cut stuff out of the local paper and send it to them in a card that says, "We miss you so much. Thought you might be interested in this. Love, Mom*."

*Except when you're my mom, you sign your letters Omm. 'Cause she's funny like that.

When you're a far-away daughter, you look forward to these funny little notes and the tid-bits of information your mom deems stamp-worthy. Sometimes, it's an article about the high school being renovated, sometimes a friend gets married or a favored teacher dies, sometimes a history lesson about my hometown. Other times it makes your tea shoot out your nose...

Mackenzie and I got home today and started our evening routine. She went and picked up the mail from where it drops to the floor through the mail slot. I put my junk down in the kitchen and prepared to open the least-expensive looking piece of mail first. Mom won. She had sent a thank-you note for "the wonderful visit that [she] and Dad had with us" and included a few articles for me to check out. One on CD-R's, one on a local neighborhood and the "Animal Smarts" page from USA Weekend. Sometimes it's like a treasure hunt finding the intended article. Did she want me to know "if my macaw will remember me when I get out of jail"? Do I care "why my hedgehog spits on his quills"? Ohhhhhh... Here... "Why do dogs dig at their beds before they lie down?"

So I read it. Ancestral instinct. Got it. Thanks, Mom.

But before I abandoned the torn out magazine page, there was one more question at the bottom of the page, "Why do some dogs chase their tails or snap at imaginary flies?" As I rolled my eyes and shook my head at myself, "Silly girl. Taiko does this all the time. This is what Mom wanted me to read," I took a drink of tea and began to peruse:

"That's what dogs with compulsive disorders sometimes do..." And out came the tea.

Through my nose.

"...they can't help themselves..."

Doubled over in laughter. She thinks my dog is crazy!

"...Lots of factors contribute to compulsive disorders, including anxiety and lack of an outlet for what the dog was bred to do. It seems some dogs are genetically predisposed. For example, English bull terriers are prone to spinning in tight circles, and Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are prone to snapping at 'flies...'"

Screaming, hysterical laughter. Holy SHIT! My dog is crazy! This explains so much!

"...Dogs with true compulsive disorders do best with anti-anxiety medication, positive obedience, a consistent schedule and an outlet for what they were born to do."

My stomach hurts so bad. Please make the laughter stop! Sloooooooowly, slooooooowly, we stopped the giggling. And that's when I realized: My dog was bred to sit on ladies laps and keep them warm! How will doing more of that make him less wacko? I am definitely asking for the doggy downers next time I see the vet.