It's occurring to me...
That the reason I am loathe to shop at the Commissary is that every time I'm there lately, it's immediately after someone has stuck something uninvited up my Hoo-Ha. Fingers... speculum... sonogram probe...
(American Idol... Elvis? Really? Does this seem like a good idea to anyone? In what world can you take a bunch of kids and have them sing Elvis without America wanting to slit her wrists?)
So. There I am, choosing between Dawn Green Apple and Palmolive Anti-Bacterial and selecting the Very Best red pepper, and I've got ultrasound jelly oozing from the Nether Region, and there are moms pushing those Giant Car-Shaped Carts overflowing with pre-schoolers around the store, which I despise (sorry, Mom-Friends who love the giant clunky cart in which to drag your screaming brood from Dairy to Bakery) and my poked-around-in uterus is cramping and I'm starving to death and I forgot tomatoes but God-Damnit, I am NOT going back for them and...
(God! Elliot. Are you still here? Please go now. Just go. Go on. I don't like you.)
...and it must be geriatric day because 78% of this afternoon's patrons were, in fact, over 78 years old, and standing smack-dab in the center of the aisle while pondering Chunky vs. Progresso, when all of a sudden I noticed what a shitty attitude I had.
(Mac! Please blow your nose. Gurgling that snot back up into your sinuses is grossing me out. Badly. Thank you.)
So I bought myself a Cream Horn and some Turtles and a Diet Coke and went home.
And told my family to make a sandwich because I had a rough day and I'm not cooking.
The end.
5 comments:
So sorry about your day. I can relate. I have been to a commissary 2 times in the five years since I left Atsugi. Both times reminded me why I do not go.
However, I would go ANYWHERE for a cream horn! One of my favorite indulgences ever.
AI - Kat McPhee (sp?) really screwed it all up tonight on that last song. You are right, Elvis should not be done on American Idol. Although, Chris pulled off a pretty good rendition of "alittle less Conversation" IMHO. Good God, I am such a loser. I should be reading my damn book and not watching trash TV!
By the way, Sarah Smiley's column made me think of you today :)
Oh... my... stars... the 'Cream Horn'... oh... my... stars...
I was going to suggest Reese's peanut butter cups and diet coke, but... oh... my... stars... You've got the better idea!
And my word verification was very appropriate. kcvao It can sound like something you might say about you day.
You should try shopping the commissary out here in Retirement Hell.
"Do I want chunky peanut butter or smooth peanut butter? Wait, don't I have a coupon? Honey, don't wander off..."
But out in town is so stinking expensive, it's the only option. I hit Whole Foods and Safeway for selected items and that's it. I plan to walk to Safeway from the new house. The hell with the commissary unless I need cleaning supplies.
Yeah, I can't speak for all the moms with crying kids in the carts, but trust me, we don't want to be there either! The thought of it makes me want to hurl.
Stay out of the com at NASNI - it's a retirement/reunion sinkhole.
Fresh Foods and Trader Joes - here I come!
Sheesh... Where have *I* been? Oh, that's right. Sacked out in bed. So sorry you too had 'the probe'. I'm hoping your week has improved!!
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