While you are sitting on the sofa reading with her, gently tickle the backs of her knees. And then when she says, "Reading Mimi Smartypants makes you ornery", reach over and grab her book by the binding snapping it shut, and hold it just out of her reach and when her eyes get all buggy and she screeches, "I can't believe you did that!", laugh.
And then, when you leave your book unattended because you're basking in the tortutous glow of being a hateful dictator, spewing evil, cackling, laughter, and she reaches over and grabs your book, snapping it shut, and hurls it under the sofa, you should rescue and then start reading the back of your favorite bookmark (What? You don't have a favorite bookmark? Weirdo.) in a monotone, droning, voice while she tries to read the final 5 pages of her book:
"Buck Creek Books*. Fine Used Books. 838 Main Street Lafayette Indiana 47901-1460 555.123.4567 800.123.4567 Email: xyz@abc.defg.com Website: www.abcdef.com Monday-Saturday 10-6 Hardcover and paperback books in all categories of fictionand nonfiction. Special strengths in science fiction, cookbooks, biography/autobiography. Out-of-print search service. Over 70,000 QUALITY USED BOOKS"
* They went out of business, which can only cause me to wonder what kind of a town lets a store with QUALITY USED BOOKS go out of business. As far as I know, it was the only bookstore downtown. What? People downtown don't read? I'm embarrassed for them.
and then turn it over and start reading the front:
"Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. George Bernard Shaw. Decide for yourself at Buck Creek Books. Don Quixote in his library."
and then do it 2 more times.
Or until she returns your book.
And then find your page (144), settle down to start reading again (arrange your blanket, take a drink), and decide, "I'm tired of reading." And slap it shut.
She will scream. I promise.
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