When I watch friends diet, I am amazed at the willpower they possess. My entire life (before The Unfortunate Weight-Gain-Bonanza of Japan), I NEVER, EVER dieted. I literally ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Pizza, cookies, cheese, potato chips*... all things fat and wonderful and never had to blink an eye. People would see me eat and say, "OMG. How can you eat like that and stay so thin?" Not surprisingly, at 38, those days are gone.
*Potato Chips = God's Food. And, if you think about it, so like the Jesus-wafer they pass out at Mass. A little salt and a Diet Coke and we've got a great snack to recover from the Homily-Coma...
Where was I? Oh, yes, my Apathy.
Surprisingly, though, I can't seem to get it through my head that I simply can't eat everything I want and still be a size 4. My body can't handle it. Nor can my wardrobe, for that matter. I will be so good for a couple of days and then, hell, we stop at McDonald's or it's Friday night and I want a Capihirina or Easter comes along and, really, who can resist Reese's Mini Peanut Butter Cups? Then before I know it, it's May and I have to take my damn sweaters off and put on some shorts and I'm disgusted with myself. We're going on the 4th year of this. The year I was running my 500 miles, before I even knew it, and without really trying, I looked down and the scale was at 120. It was beautiful. I had arrived in Japan at 118 (I had felt chubby then. What an idiot.) and was almost back to that point. Then I quit running and within months was back up to 128 where I held steady for a year or so then slooooowly crept up to 133-135.
And here I am.
My name is Paige and I'm a Snarfaholic.
2 comments:
All I can say is - ME TOO!!! To all of it, the whole post. Except that I got thinner in Japan, but only because I had a baby and was on steroids 4 weeks before moving there - really, down was the only way the scale could move from that. Now I cant make the scale move back at all, and it REALLY needs to...can you say two weeks at the beach with your husbands ENTIRE extended family???? ARGH!!Time is running out and still I cannot find the will power.
Please please, please let's make up 12 steps for Snarfaholics Anonymous while we're in San Diego. Preferably, while eating cookies.
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