Menstruation and Conception 101

Well, Internet, we've reached that point in the story where I tell you about how my daughter is learning about "Human Growth and Development" in 5th grade.

Back in 1977 we just called it "The Talk". It was for an hour or two during one afternoon in the 5th grade. The boys all mysteriously disappeared and went to one classroom and us girls went to another where they covered the windows in the doors with black construction paper*, lowered the blinds, (engaged the Anti-Testosterone Shield) and showed us Puberty Films with cartoons for main characters who showed us to expect hair on our hoo-ha's and how to strap ourselves to a Sanitary Napkin Belt and ginormous pad with long floppy ties at each end that would prevent our knees from touching for one week every 28 days. We even got a Take-Home Sample Belt/Pad Combo. The pad alarmed us more than the inescapable purge of blood and tissue that was to happen in a few short months or years.

*I can only assume this was to keep sacred the Enigma of Woman from every hapless boy that chanced to be roaming the halls of Cumberland Elementary on that day. Knowing what I know now, I'm thinking they should have left off the construction paper and let the Male Enlightenment begin at that point.

I'm just sayin'.

Anyway.

In 2005, "The Talk" is now titled like a college course and I can only hope that more of today's 10-year-olds have at least an inkling of what's to come than some of my peers did back then (I can still see their eyes popping out of their heads and their mouths hanging open in horror). In 2005, it's a week-long special program, one hour per day devoted to their changing bodies and human reproduction. The school sends home "Conversational Worksheets" each night to help start a dialogue between parents and their children. (But really, I'm too busy for that so we just had a chat about it in the car yesterday between errands. Really. I'm so not joking.)

So far, the only dialogue that's started in my house is Mac passing me on the stairs and looking right at me, using her arms for emphasis and saying, "Everyone! Say it with me...NI-PPLE. NI-PPLE." Apparently, that's what she retained from yesterday's lesson.

It seems as though she hasn't been surprised by much as of yet. I'm guessing some of that comes from having a brother 6 years her senior, some of it because not much is off limits for discussion* in my home and the rest from our Alternative/Liberal/Questionable(?) Parenting Style. She probably got a pretty good start on the whole sex-knowledge-thing simply from watching "Friends" and some undeniably inappropriate rated R movies and asking me at 7-years-old what a condom was and where babies come from.

So I told her.

*I'm thinking about this and all I can think of that's been off limits is the Great Santa Claus Debate and Sado/Masochism (not that this would be general conversation around here... I do have some standards). Pretty much everything else though, is up for discussion...

Today they learned about the Miracle of Birth. According to her, no surprises there either. (And again, this conversation took place in the car. Really? At Christmas? They couldn't think of a better time to fit this in?)

(And just for the record, the Indiana public school system didn't think Reproduction was pertinent information until 8th grade. Conservative? Naive? Stupid?)

So. Bottom line. Either I'm doing a pretty good job keeping her in the know, or I need to up the allotment going to her Therapy Fund.