Monday, August 28, 2006

Ten Things I Hate About August

Dear August~

What's the deal? You took my sense of humor and stomped on it and turned it into a bloody pulp and left me sitting here trying to decide if I should run off to Mexico or to just make myself a margarita straight tequila and wallow in the loathing and ennui that seems to be my calling card this month.

As of this, the last week of you, work is unyielding and yet another maintenance man has been fired, my car was totaled turning a paid-off hunk of twisted metal into a pretty car with an ugly loan, I started WWIII with the in-laws, my teenager has entered the Attitude and Apathy Olympics, my bathroom is undergoing a total remodel, in turn making my bedroom look like an episode of Flip This House and my family room look like a garage. I owe at least 6 girlfriends (Annie, Ang, Bron, Dianne, Scientist Lisa, Cristin) phone calls and innumerable girlfriends emails (you know who you are). Unfortunately this can of Whoop-Ass you've unleashed on me has left me in such a mood that I don't believe that any of my girls needs to be exposed to my funk.

You are supposed to be fun and relaxing, gently leading us into another school year, not kicking the crap out of me, leaving me with a black eye and a bloody nose and wanting to jump headfirst into bed with my smooshy down comforter yanked up to my eyeballs. You are supposed to be slow and languid not busy and argumentative.

I will give you three more days. Then I'm taking control and fighting back. I will OWN September.

Love, Paige

12 comments:

Annie, The Evil Queen said...

Do you think he'll medal?

Candi said...

You know what they say, when life hands you limes, makes some Caipirinhas. I don't think that is the saying at all, but that is a good saying.

No need for a reply to my email, I don't want that to be on a long list of things getting at you in August. That sounds bad, you know what I mean.

It will be September 14 hours earlier here, I'll let you know how it starts.

*flips off August for 'ya*

sarah doow said...

I feel like August has kicked me around too - although I can't list anything especially concrete like you can. The idea that September is mine (or ours) for the owning made me feel better though :-)

Anonymous said...

Hope it gets better soon!!! I think we all feel this way sometimes.

I am SURE that your girlfriends would not think of it as you spreading your "funk". They would like to help you through it with a kind ear, a few laughs, and maybe a cocktail or two.

Here's to September!

just noticed...you hate autumn??intersting. It is my favorite!!(maybe because I live on the surface of the sun where fall signals that you can start to breathe the outside air without scorching your lungs) All summer I picture the first "sweater day" making a big pot of gumbo and some bread pudding. Come over with some Abita Amber and I'll try to change your mind about autumn :)

Anonymous said...

Can I run away with you to Mexico for some Margaritas? I surely could use a drink these days. And, I understand about the remodeling and the rest of the house going to HELL - we're totally remodeling our kitchen and basement bathroom. Plus, to top things off school started back this week, which is good and bad.

Brenda said...

I don't like August... only because I got married in August... and that ended bad. Had a baby in August.. he was good. Day's are getting shorter and nights are cooler and it RAINED today!!! And it signals the beginng of scheduling again.... or did... when kids were in school. No more carefree days. pffffftttt

Brooke said...

I can't tell you how OVER Summer I am. Bring on the damn Fall.

Michelle said...

Yeah, August sucked around here too.
Car totaled by uninsured driver? Check!
Get dumped? Check!

God, I can't wait for September!

Hope things turn around for you soon! :)

Sending good thoughts!

Ericka said...

Ok. First of all this entry made me damn near pee myself. Then, I come in here to make a comment or two, and just about did it again. You all are super-funny!

I've never LOVED August. I love summer, but August tends to be too damn hot and humid in OH. Hot is fine when I can camp next to an 9' swimming pool with a beer in my koozie. But when you're stuck at a softball tournament with your 8-year-old, I'm not really feeling the idea of sitting in my own sweat with hair that only Bozo the Clown could pull off. So yeah, screw you, August.

On a side note, I'll be more than happy to clear my schedule for some good Margarita-therapy. I fully support "taking one for the team" and helping out an e-buddy.

I'll be right there.

Paige said...

OH MY GOD! Check us out!

It appears that we are in desperate need for a Spa Day followed in quick succession by a Girl's Night Out (Scratch That) Long Weekend Away.

Cheers, Girlfirends! I Heart You.

Anonymous said...

Well, I hope by now you have had a few cocktails and are unwinding. It unfortunate that your August was a fun sucking month. Cheers to you and a great September.

Anonymous said...

Hey, don't knock August!!! We've been hurricane free...so far. This year, I'm a BIG fan of August. We'll see what September holds for us Floridians.

What is it with in-laws anyway? Do they have some in-law group with set rules on when to act like idiots? Jeez, mine have caused many a drunken night. Good luck with yours.

Rach