Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Helpful Hints From Brandi

Before you decide to ask your gainfully employed husband with a LOT more discretionary income than yourself for a divorce, you should to run to Vicki's and stock up on bras. Because what will happen is that immediately following this discussion with your soon-to-be ex, you will start to lose weight. And your pants that were a bit too snug will start to feel roomy and almost-too-big, but not yet too big to wear (thank God), and slowly, slowly, so that you don't notice it's even happening, your boobs will also shrink, leaving your bras WAY too roomy and you, in your new-found budget-consciousness, will feel that $50 bras from the mall will be considered an extravagance, though you can't quite bring yourself to buy one from Target so you will continue to wear the slightly too-big-bras that will continue to fall off your shoulders because there's nothing to hold the straps in place, and you will be slightly uncomfortable but Free all the same.

And it will be worth it.

8 comments:

Ericka said...

You crack me up!

Brenda said...

Go buy a new one. Cost it out. It will end up at like... .03 a day a wearing.

And you'll feel so much better.

Seriously. You're worth it!

And.. like Ericka... You crack me up!

Annie, The Evil Queen said...

How about Macys? Cheaper than Bicki's but better than Target? Cause those straps are gonna drive you insane. And you don't want to be crazy-safety-pins-in-her-bra-lady just yet.

Unknown said...

American Eagle.

I know a lot of people think that AE is just for teenie boppers, but it isn't. Right now, bras are cheap. And they are good. Very good.

And our undies? 6 pairs for 20 bucks. And I think I should let you know AE is Victoria Secret's #1 competitor in undies. And maybe bras, but I forget. I wasn't paying attention too well during the staff meeting a few months ago.

But yah. It's good stuff.

Paige said...

John~ I had no idea AE even sold bras and panties. But I trust that you know... you being there every day and all. You should get a commission - I would come buy them from you, but you're too far away. I'll check them out, but if I do buy some, I won't post them on the Internet. You'll have to use your imagination.

John said...

Okay, Paige. Let me know when you buy the stuff, and the FIRST thing I'll do is wonder what they look like on you.

Like that's not creepy stalkerish of me AT ALL.

Or entirely against the rules and laws of my sexuality.

:)

Irish Eyes said...

How do you know how good the bras are John? I am wearing my Vicki's one right now, and it feels like they're just magically holding up on their own. Can AE do that?

There are some good Calvin Klein ones at Filene's too, Paigelady.

Nina said...

Bras - isn't it a shame that they do cost so much? I mean, would the world rather us NOT wear them so that we can gag at every woman who sags just a little? I know the general public would NOT want to see my jugs just hanging there. And what about those cold days - I mean, really, who would want to see that????!!!