Precocious, Personified

If you look up the word Precocious in the dictionary, you will arrive at a 2-page spread with this face grinning out at you:


This is my beautiful niece, Isabella. She is five ("Five-and-a-half!"), just started Kindergarten, and I have no doubt is schooling her so-called-teachers on anything that happens to come up - you know - reading, writing, coloring... She is smart. She never shuts up, and the things that come out of her mouth keep us in hysterics and shaking our heads. ("DON'T LAUGH AT ME!") For example:

Yesterday, in the car...

"Once, when I was three, I had a disease."
"What?"
"Once, when I was three, I had a disease."

Mac looked at me, laughing, and said, "That's what I thought she said."

Me: "You had a disease?"
"Yes, and it made my feet crinkly and my hands crinkly and my body crinkly."
"Ok." (If you say so...)

And later...

"When I was at Wago & Papa's when you were gone, me and my mom rode the scooters all the way to Indiananakolis. And to China."
"You did?! And you didn't run out of browdy*? (*The way she used to pronounce 'battery.')
"AUNTIE. It's BROWWWWNIE."

Which made Mac and I lose it.

And really pissed her off.

Then I had to apologize.

She is sassy and she makes stuff up. She is certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is right and will argue until most people say, "Fine", and walk away defeated. But not me. I will argue with this 5-year-old. Behold:

(While driving through a newer section of my parent's neighborhood last night.)

Bella: "This is my neighborhood."
Me: "No, baby. This is Wago & Papa's neighborhood."
"No, this is my neighborhood."
"No, Honey, your house is about 3 miles away. This is near Wago & Papa's house."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Bella, I am older than you and I know where we are. Your neighborhood is nowhere near here."
"Yes it is."

While realizing all the while, how absurd it is that I'm arguing with a sassy-pants kindergartner, now I'm starting to get pissed:

"Now you're just being sassy."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"One more word and you're taking a timeout when we get back to Wago & Papa's house."

And in a classic reverse-move, she changed her attitude and the subject and became all sunshine and roses, a little Shirley Temple.

I don't for a second think that she truly thought we were in her neighborhood. I think she just likes to argue and likes to win. What she doesn't know is that I like to win too and I'm bigger, I am smarter; I have the ability to make any chair a Time-Out Chair, and have the Parental Coup-de-Gras, the "Because I Said So" Rule to trump any BS she tries to fling my way.

Workshop As Reality Check

FYI:

If you happen to file for divorce in my county, and you have children under the age of 18, you will be required to take a four-hour, State-Mandated Workshop for Divorcing Parents. You will sign in, fork over $35, and wait eagerly to learn something that you didn't already know. Chances are, if you are a bright, (mostly) fortunate woman, nothing that comes up will be a surprise.

Most of the lecture was Sheer Common Sense: Don't talk bad about your Ex in front of your children. Don't discuss Child Support with your children. Don't scream at your Ex in front of your children... Bottom line - think about the children before you act.

There was a bit mentioned about the process of divorce: Custody, Child Support, Mediation vs. Lawyers. (All of which was irrelevant to me as this class is a prerequisite for the final hearing but as I am Special, my divorce was actually final months ago and I had to do this in retrospect.)

We watched a documentary about divorce from the children's point of view. Besides the obvious white-bread kids and their parents, the only problem I had with the video was the frosted blue eye-shadow, wide belts, and feathery hair that screamed 1987. Why did no one think to update this film in the past 20 years? I was so distracted wondering how these children turned out and if they were ok today. (And by the bad fashion choices - let's be Real.)

Bottom line: This class was not terrible. It was information that even if you KNOW it, it's worthwhile to hear it again. (You know - For The Children.)

...And if that wasn't enough, hearing the other women's stories was enough to send me home thinking how fortunate I am: I have no Restraining Orders against my Ex. No No-Contact Orders. I have no files full of X-Rays of broken bones. I have no threatening letters to show The Court, or bruises from my mother-in-law, accrued during a child-transfer. My car hasn't been repossessed because my Ex was irresponsible enough to not pay the bill, and I know that when my children are with him they are safe.

Life could be wrapped in a prettier bow right now, but whether dressed up in its finest, or examined under a microscope, my Life is Fine. It's progressing. Slowly, but surely. And Safely.

Annie Report

I've gotten several requests for news about Annie, and as I'm part of the reason she's been MIA for so long, it only seems right that I let you know that she's ok. I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks but she sent me a text message while I was in my Court Mandated Workshop for Divorcing Parents* yesterday.

She has not posted since July 8th because since that date, she's been running around like a chicken with her head cut off (except for the week she was flat on her back with the Migraine/Sinus Extravaganza). First, her sister-in-law and husband came to visit for a week. Then, the day after they left, I came to visit for 2 weeks. Then the day after I left, she went to the East Coast to visit family and old friends. If I'm not mistaken, she's flying back to the West Coast today and should be back in the saddle shortly.

I'll let her know that you all missed her.

*Seriously. More on that later...

Self-Portrait Saturday

Apparently, the midwest can only do extremes. We went from 100 degrees a couple days ago to the 60's today. And it was cloudy and 'tut-tut looked like rain' all day long. And the kids are both gone, and I'm tired as hell as I only slept for 3 hours last night, so I spent most of the day lolly-gagging about.

Behold:

The full glory of my laziness can be seen here.

Overheard After Dinner

Dad: "Maybe that's why I can't keep you married; you're not so dainty."

On the Other Hand...

I could be this guy:

"Dear God. Not only am I unemployed and homeless, but I also have a pregnant woman, bereaved dog, elephant, and eleven horses to take care of."

Jacob Jankowski, Water for Elephants ~Sara Gruen

Something to Think About

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying a wake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. But sometimes the petals fall away and the roots have not entwined. Imagine giving up your home and your people, only to discover after six months, a year, three years, that the trees have had no roots and have fallen over. Imagine the desolation. Imagine the imprisonment."

Dr. Iannis to Pelagia, Corelli's Mandolin ~ Louis de Bernieres

Overheard

Mackenzie: "Hey Mom, look! I arranged my hoop earrings to represent the planets: Here's the sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and way out here is Pluto."

"Cool! But Pluto's not a planet anymore, remember. They changed their minds. I feel pretty sorry for him; I bet it really hurt his feelings."

"Well, the good news is that he won't find out for a hundred-million-years."

Like an Out-of-the-Blue Hug

Yesterday afternoon I was in my room reading - I had, minutes before, picked up "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" when the phone rang (and if you've been paying attention at all, you know that due to an unreasonable, debilitating, and just plain stupid Phone Phobia, I cringe every time the phone rings in my direction). I heard Mom pick it up and then exclaim in delight to the caller on the other end. As I sat there, still as stone hoping to go unnoticed, I could hear her approaching my room, "How ARE you? ... Yes, it's been a long time! ... Yes, she's right here."

And then she handed me the phone, a big grin spread across her face. If there's one thing I hate more than the sound of the phone, it's a surprise person on the other end...

"Who is it," I hissed to my mom.

Still grinning, she shook her head. She wasn't talking.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Paige! How are you?"

"FINE," I exclaimed with false enthusiasm while mouthing to Mom, "WHO IS IT?"

Still grinning, she whispered, "Mich." (Short for Michele.)

At which point the room dropped out beneath me and my vision became a tunnel of swirling memories, some happy and warm, some regrettable and humiliating.

She was talking on the other end, "... we were all together this weekend and you were in all the pictures with us. We started to wonder how you were and I vowed to find you and call. So how are you?"

We talked for about 25 minutes. The unhappy circumstance to prompt her phone call was the death of one of our old friends. At the funeral last weekend, her family had memorialized her life in photos, and smiling back at all those old friends from Central Indiana, were college-era girls and boys having the time of their lives. Apparently, in many of those photos was a ghost from their past, looking very much like me (but younger and skinnier). And as they relived those times, Mich vowed to track me down.

And now here she was, on the phone, sounding exactly like she did the first time I heard her voice drift down the hallway in our Freshman dorm 22 years ago. Her room was only two down from mine, and we hit it off immediately. I started hanging out with she and her roommate which progressed to going home with her on weekends where I met her amazing group of childhood friends (who are still as close as they were back then), and shared all of the normal college experiences with her - roadtrips to IU, hangovers, all-nighters, bars & boys.

But that was a rough time in my life and while we tried to hold a friendship together through all of my personal issues and bad decisions (seriously - if I had the power to do it over again...). Anyway, our lives eventually drifted apart. The last time I talked to her, before yesterday, was 16 years ago, just before T and I got married, where we met she and her husband at a local bar for drinks. I don't remember that meeting going particularly poorly, but we didn't talk again all the same. I have thought about her often during the years, and always regretted letting her go. I even tried to find her more than once, but as both her maiden and married names are fairly common, I was sadly unsuccessful.

We talked while she was in the car, catching up on our respective broods, my multitude of husbands come and gone, where we've been and what we've been doing, with plans to email, call, and meet the next time they come down for a football game. I can't begin to tell you how great it was to hear her voice. She is my oldest college friend and I've missed her so much during these long, weird years.

Let's Get This Out of the Way First...

Before we get this party train back on track, I need to backtrack a bit:

San Diego

San Diego was wonderful. I was able to relax and read and just chill out for a bit, which was the intention in the first place. We went to a BBQ at Brain and Lisa's, and had a Cherry Girl Reunion at Angie's. I played with Sam, learned about The Backyardigans and the Wonder Pets, took walks, went to the beach, and ate in all my favorite restaurants. The only thing to dampen our spirits was the fact that Annie came down with a combo sinus infection/migraine, which TKO'ed her for 5 days. But she's ok now and we still had a great time. (Even though I missed seeing Emily. But I'll see her next time.) Oh. And I had to stay an extra day because the brakes on my plane broke and there were no other flights home. So BACK to the airport Annie came, she rescued me and we went shopping instead. Also, I have no photos to appease you with because I forgot my camera. You'll just have to use your imagination.

I got home on Tuesday, the 30th, turned 40 later that week, and...

Missouri

...remained in town until Saturday the 4th, when Mom, Dad, Alison, Sydney, Mackenzie and I all piled into Alison's van and headed to a camp near Branson, MO, where we dropped Sydney off for the week. We stopped in Rosebud, MO (Population 364) to visit dad's friend, Will and his daughter, Renee, and I was bitten by a horse. It was just a nibble, though. The bruise is almost gone now. I do have a (slightly blurry) photo of that:

School

Dillon is signed up for classes at the Comunity College and Mackenzie is registered for 7th grade. They both start on August 20th, and both seem to be looking forward to it.

Work

Dillon has found a job at the local Pizza Joint.

I have found nothing. But I'm working on it...

Play

Dillon has been hanging out with his friends Big Tony and Number 19, and bought his first car after we got here:


Mackenzie has had dive practice every weekday where she has met several brand new friends and she dove in her first meet here on the 1-meter board (placed 5th out of 19) and the 3-meter board (placed 5th out of 6) and had a great time.

When I'm not scouring the web for a job, I have been lurking around with my camera taking pictures, playing with my mom and my sister quite a bit, I saw the Harry Potter movie yesterday, and had lunch today with Joyce and Christine, 2 (I almost said "old" but we are Not Old) friends from high school.





I think that's it. Do you have any questions before we move on?

I'll post my birthday photos soon, but most of them are on Dad's computer because my camera battery was dead and I'll need to transfer them to mine.

OH! And also, Happy Second Birthday, Lauren! I just realized it was the 11th today! I love you!

Self-Portrait Saturday Returns

It's blurry. Clearly, I'm out of practice.

Birthday Thanks

Once upon a time, there was a Girl who was turning 40. While she was not especially depressed about this circumstance, she was a bit down that all of her friends were residing in Far-Away places and couldn't share her day, a few laughs and a cocktail (or so) with her.

Fortunately, one of these friends was a Super-Thinker and a Super-Planner and she concocted a strategy to execute a Super-Secret-Virtual-Birthday-Party for this lonely, displaced Girl. And on August 3rd, after her family took her out for the Traditional Chinese Dinner at Szechuan Gardens (where they should by now qualify for the Frequent Diners Discount because Girl is nothing if not predictable and she picks the Same Restaurant for her Birthday Dinner every single year), her Super-Sneaky family made a plan to distract her (ohhh, shiny!) while they piled presents from Far-Away Friends on the table so that when she moseyed into the dining room, she had to look twice at the mountain of boxes and envelopes surrounding the gorgeous flowers from Super-Thinker and a Super-Planner Girlfriend. She was thunderstruck (for she knew that her family loved her, but she didn't think they loved her quite This Much)!

With a puzzled look on her face, she moved closer to the table so she could read the return address labels: San Diego, England, Oregon, Virginia, Michigan, Maryland ... she only made it through a few before she started crying at the realization that she may not have friends in Indiana, but she has a wealth of friends circling the globe.

After she dried her eyes and the Fantastical Nature of the Situation set in, she sat down to start the Great Unwrapping. She discovered Starbucks Cards, a Pink (Breast Cancer Awareness) Blender, Cherry accouterments, Flamingoes, a Tiara, Earrings, Shopping Cards, Wine, T-shirts, Martini Glasses WITH Mixers, an Ann Taylor Loft Card... a multitude of brilliant gifts! She opened them all, all the while amazed at how Incredibly Awesome her friends and family are.

At the end of the day, she had a belly full of General Tso's Chicken and cake, an abundance of great new stuff in her room, but the most valuable gift she received was the knowledge that she was the Luckiest Girl, with the Best Friends and Family, in the Whole Wide World.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, to each and every one of you exceptional and extraordinary friends, with a special thanks to Annie, Super-Thinker and a Super-Planner Girlfriend.

Hugs and Kisses, Paige