Friday, August 31, 2007

Precocious, Personified

If you look up the word Precocious in the dictionary, you will arrive at a 2-page spread with this face grinning out at you:

Beautiful Bella

This is my beautiful niece, Isabella. She is five ("Five-and-a-half!"), just started Kindergarten, and I have no doubt is schooling her so-called-teachers on anything that happens to come up - you know - reading, writing, coloring... She is smart. She never shuts up, and the things that come out of her mouth keep us in hysterics and shaking our heads. ("DON'T LAUGH AT ME!") For example:

Yesterday, in the car...

"Once, when I was three, I had a disease."
"What?"
"Once, when I was three, I had a disease."

Mac looked at me, laughing, and said, "That's what I thought she said."

Me: "You had a disease?"
"Yes, and it made my feet crinkly and my hands crinkly and my body crinkly."
"Ok." (If you say so...)

And later...

"When I was at Wago & Papa's when you were gone, me and my mom rode the scooters all the way to Indiananakolis. And to China."
"You did?! And you didn't run out of browdy*? (*The way she used to pronounce 'battery.')
"AUNTIE. It's BROWWWWNIE."

Which made Mac and I lose it.

And really pissed her off.

Then I had to apologize.

She is sassy and she makes stuff up. She is certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is right and will argue until most people say, "Fine", and walk away defeated. But not me. I will argue with this 5-year-old. Behold:

(While driving through a newer section of my parent's neighborhood last night.)

Bella: "This is my neighborhood."
Me: "No, baby. This is Wago & Papa's neighborhood."
"No, this is my neighborhood."
"No, Honey, your house is about 3 miles away. This is near Wago & Papa's house."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Bella, I am older than you and I know where we are. Your neighborhood is nowhere near here."
"Yes it is."

While realizing all the while, how absurd it is that I'm arguing with a sassy-pants kindergartner, now I'm starting to get pissed:

"Now you're just being sassy."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not."
"One more word and you're taking a timeout when we get back to Wago & Papa's house."

And in a classic reverse-move, she changed her attitude and the subject and became all sunshine and roses, a little Shirley Temple.

I don't for a second think that she truly thought we were in her neighborhood. I think she just likes to argue and likes to win. What she doesn't know is that I like to win too and I'm bigger, I am smarter; I have the ability to make any chair a Time-Out Chair, and have the Parental Coup-de-Gras, the "Because I Said So" Rule to trump any BS she tries to fling my way.

6 comments:

MaryB said...

This is SO funny to me somewhat because I hear her voice in my head saying things with the same exasperated tone that Connor used to use.

Back in Japan it was a daily occurrence for Connor to end a discussion with, "no, you're wong, an' your wong for the west ub your life!"

In fact, Id say he still manages something similar only it is more subtle and eloquent.

Kids are fun, aren't they?

Candi said...

I Love It.

Paige said...

MB - Not only did Connor's line crack ME up, I read it to my mom and then we started saying it all night long. Fun-ny!

Anonymous said...

Isabella is beautiful! How can you even disagree with that little face? And I love the glasses....

The closest Bug and I have come to real disagreements involve him saying, Noooo and me saying Yesssss. Right now he gives in and our disagreement ends with him saying, Ohhh noooo. That's really all he thinks he can use in our spats. I'm waiting for him to break out with some words he's heard Jas use.
Rach

Anonymous said...

Beauty and brains too? Your sister is in for a long ride! I have a feeling this is a bit unfair since this cutie sounds like she should be your payback child. Hmmm?

Chris Cactus said...

Fantastic shot!