Diver

She missed making All-Stars by 3.4 points. She needed 100 to advance. She came to find me where I was working the scoring table and with tears in her eyes said, "I messed up my inward."

"But you got a 96.60!"

"But I needed 100."

"But you got 5th!"

"But I'm not going to All-Stars."

"But you were better than approximately 75 other girls in your age group in our Division. And only 4 (FOUR) are better than you.... And most of them age-up next year. You will own this meet in 2007."

And she conceded that perhaps she actually was Amazing, and the more people who recognized it throughout the day, the bigger her smile got.

Swimmer

If you ask her, she will tell you, "Oh, ok. I can do better," disappointed that the didn't earn the first or second place ribbon she's grown accustomed to.

If you ask me, I will tell you how she placed 4th in the Individual Medley and 6th in the 50 Free at the Northern Virgina Swim League Divisionals today. And then explain to you how this means that out of all of the 11 & 12 year olds in our entire Division, she is the 4th best IM'er and the 6th best 50 Free Stroker.

And then, I will pause while the enormity of her Fabulous-ness sinks in and wait patiently for you to comment.

Overshare Alert

Dear Family, Friends, & Internet Strangers~

Six months have passed, and it's time to revisit the Mystery of the Exsanguinating Uterus. Every time I'm lulled into a false sense of normalcy - the belief that all I neeeded was time for my body to recover from the surgery last summer, I am jerked back into the glaring realization that my Hoo-Ha, is in fact, not fixed and is as uncompromising as ever.

So. We last saw our Heroine visit the Army Hospital for a follow-up appointment and then once again, for an ultrasound of her Uterus.

And that's the end of the story.

She never heard back from her doctor and following the School of No News Is Good News, she merrily went on with her life, skipping around and picking daisies (tra-la-la)... Until today. When Life, as she knows it, had to stop for quarter-hourly visits to the Ladies Room, complete with clothes-changes, extra loads of laundry, and trips to the drugstore for more supplies. And, she had to find someone to cover her Time Recording job at the Divisional Swim Meet tomorrow as she will be useless as a Time Recorder if she has to jump up and Take Care of Business every 15 minutes. (Try explaining that to the Team Rep without stuttering a lot and blushing a bit.)

So. If anyone can diagnose me over the Internet and just point me in the direction of some Herbs that can take care of this, or maybe a Kegel-esque exercise, I'd be much obliged.

Thank You,

Paige

Learning to Deal

I've discovered an excellent way to manage the stress at my job:

I stopped answering the phone.

I know! Right?! It was the most obvious answer and there it was, just waiting for me to discover it all along... You don't like the Customers at your Customer Service Job??? Ignore them!

I actually discovered the genius of letting the voice mail pick up by accident. I have been swamped this week.... organizing forms, composing letters, checking files, compiling lists, collecting trashcan preferences (don't even ask), writing reports... and truthfully haven't had the time to run to the phone every time it rings so I've been letting it go to voice mail and then returning phone calls during the last 90 minutes of the day. I have gotten So Much Done that I can't even stand myself.

Don't get me wrong. It is still not humanly possible for me to get everything done that needs to be done by the time it needs to be done.

But at least I am making progress.

High five to me.

Journal Hand-Off in the East!

Jes/Candi got The Journal yesterday, has already completed her contribution, posted it to The Blog, and will stick it back in the mail to Carolie tomorrow!

Excellently executed pass, Candi!

(PS, Candi - I go back and read the Sparkle post too. And smile when I remember our old IMs. From 50 yards away. :) )

Welcome to My World

Dillon has itchy, welty, pussy, scabby Poison Ivy. He and his friends went hiking at Occoquan on Monday. They were in search of the lake as it was hot and humid and near 90-degrees, but as I understand it, they pretty much hiked in circles, never getting close enough to the water to glimpse some blue through the trees.

He's never had Poison Ivy before, which I thought was weird, until I pondered it a while more. He's a city boy. San Diego, Tokyo, Washington DC... Not a lot of poisonous weeds to be found around Horton Plaza or on the Tokyo Subway. My sister, my dad and I, on the other hand, took full advantage of our semi-rural-Indiana upbringing and had Poison Ivy more times than any of us can count, sometimes bad enough to head to the doctor for more advanced medical care than the corner drug store could offer.

I'd like to feel bad for him, but now he has a better taste for that Never-Ever-Move-And-Grow-Up-In-One-Place experience he's always claiming we denied him.

We're All Pruney Here

Holy MOLY! I've only posted 9 times in July? And, I've noticed, not exactly my most quality stuff and I'm thinking you better just get used to it because tonight isn't going to end my Snore-A-Palooza...

Swim meet tonight:



She took Third in IM, but dropped 11 seconds!

Took First in the 25 Free (which she usually doesn't swim as her age-group swims 50's, but tonight was a IM/Sprint Carnival) and got FIRST (Did you hear me? FIRST!)! Beating "A", her best girl buddy/competition for the first time! She was all smiles, as was her friend, "A".

Her Mixed Age Free Relay also took First and were so dang proud of themselves.



Tomorrow is the last dive meet before Divisionals. She's a little nervous as she failed her One Somersault, Half-Twist last week by only actually making a Quarter-Twist and totally bummed herself out. Cross your fingers.

PS - Proof that I've been working hard elsewhere scoring meets, thus leaving you with the meager dregs of my remaining attention span:

Life, Deconstructed

At 9:30 last night, just as I sat down to share my Super-Fun Saturday with you, my phone rang. It was this lady, Laura. She had fallen and couldn't get up. So I'm all by myself and not-so-sure that I can lift her. She is not any taller than my 5'2", but probably outweighs me by a good 40 lbs. As I walked the two doors down to her house, I started looking around at which neighbors were home, should I need to call in reinforcements.

As I let myself in and called for her, I could smell the musty odor of an old person's house. A house that doesn't get open to the fresh air often enough and clothes that don't get washed every wearing. She is all alone in the house since the niece came and wisked Laura's 89-year-old boyfriend away to Boothbay Harbor to live out his life in his Alzheimers-induced haze.

She called to me from upstairs and as I rounded the corner, saw her kneeling by the side of the bed as a child would saying her nightly prayers. I've been here for over an hour, she cried. She couldn't reach the old rotary-dial telephone mounted high on the wall, just off her headboard, my phone number in large Black-Sharpy numbers taped just to the left of it. I tried pulling on the cord and scooting to the guestroom to use the other phone, but I just couldn't do it. I rested for a while and found one last store of energy to reach the phone. It was over 2 feet away from where she now kneeled. I don't know how she managed.

And as I hurried around the bed, I saw that she was only wearing a shirt. No pants or even panties. I was immediately thankful I hadn't found a man to help me on my short journey over. The indignity of her situation brought tears to my eyes but her need for help brought me back. I put my arms under hers and as I waited for her to tell me 'when', the realization that she hadn't showered for a few days hit me in the face. On the count of three, it became apparent that I could not lift her by myself and that her legs, having kneeled for almost an hour were useless. But I got her up far enough to lean her chest on the bed and haul her legs over, one at a time, until she was lying face-down on the corner of the bed, half nude and sweaty. We got her turned over on her side and she immediately asked me to sit down.

Laura talked for well over an hour. About her husband, who died 12 years ago, their meeting when he was a young Air Force Officer in Germany, her mother's death in a German nursing home, her boyfriend's family and their reluctance to let him talk to her on the phone, and the possibility of her moving to an Assisted Living facility. She would have gone on talking had I not realized aloud that Chris would be home and worried about me. Clearly, her loneliness is far worse than her back pain from her age-deformed spine, or her overused knees, each needing surgery to make them work properly again, or the obvious, unspoken, alcohol addiction.

I sat there and listened to her, having a hard time reconciling that the jaw-droppingly beautiful woman in the black-and-white photos dotting the walls was the same woman who now lived alone in a three-story home, with bad knees and hunched back, no family at all except distant, unknown relatives in Germany. I am worried what will come of her. I am scared that right now, she could be lying on her floor, unable to reach a phone for help. I weep for the indignity of having to call a virtual stranger for help while lying naked on the floor, unable to help yourself, and I wondered that this problem is not at all uncommon in our aging society.

I think Laura's getting closer and closer to realizing she can't go on alone there. I will check in on her and help her when I can, and encourage her to more actively consider moving to where she will have the daily support she needs, but I won't stop worrying. Not until I know she's safe.

Why I Had Kids.

I am so proud.

My daughter makes a kickin' Appletini.



And thusfar we have spent this Friday evening watching the That 70's Show Marathon on FX and drinking (me Appletinis, her Virgin Appletinis).

Except for the part where I got up and helped Dillon look for his keys. Until I got bored and quit and he went to the movies, sans keys.

Wonder how he's going to get in later...


Happy Friday!

Did I Mention I'm Over 400 Posts?

Also, I am renewed. I know I said I would come back yesterday, but... I lied. I got home from work yesterday and just laid on the couch like a middle-aged sloth, algae and all. I ate some chips, and some cookies and then was so exhausted I had to take a nap. THEN, I woke up and had to drag myself all the way upstairs to my bed. It was pathetic. Writing was not an option.

But TODAY! Today was better. (Work was still Hell. Don't go there.) But after work, Mac and I went to the pool for her afternoon dive practice and then we stayed after practice and dove with her coach, Shana, and some of the other kids. AND I did an INWARD! Shana did a back one-and-a-half, and then told me I had to do an inward. Even though I'm 21 years older and 30 pounds heavier than the last time I did it. But she told me to. So I did. It was not pretty, but I did it. And now I am all sorts of proud of myself.

The Family went home yesterday. Have I mentioned how amazing my family is? My parents, sister and three nieces drove 11 hours, here, to watch Mackenzie swim and dive. Just that. Not for anything else. And when my sister got here and saw how all stressed I've gotten and how much weight I've lost she waited for me to go to work Monday and cleaned my house, bathrooms and floors and all. Incredible.

Basically, we spent the entire week at the pool. Behold. The Nieces, Sydney, Hannah, and Isabella:







Lip-Sync Contest at the Pool:




Cheering at the contest. Alison, Dillon and Omm:


A tired baby Isabella who adores her cousin, Dillon:


Oh. And Dillon was held down at work while the mechanics shaved his head. He looks different:

Family In Town

The Family is in town. They hit like a hurricane and there hasn't been a second to breathe since. I'll be back tomorrow night.

My Pages

OK! No pressure in going first! That sucked a little bit, but now you all know where the low bar has been set. I chose a kiss for my something personal because I have a habit of surprising friends by kissing them hello or goodbye (Hi Cara!). Also, I added some Sparkles. Because they make me happy.

And, yes, that's the only picture I have. Someone around here should take a picture of me.

The Traveling Journal - Departure Tomorrow AM

The Cover


And I added a Rule - graffiti the cover before you send it on...

The Inside Cover


The Project


The Rules


I didn't take a photo of page 2 of The Rules. You get the idea...

And it's Done. And sealed. And headed to Brenda tomorrow before it makes it's way out to Japan and then back to the SoCal girls.

If you've been trying to decide if you should participate or not, or if you are even invited to participate, the answers are Yes! and Yes! You do not have to be a Mommy. Or even a Blogger. You just have to be someone who'd like to contribute to a collaborative journal project. You do not have to be a BFF or even a frequent commenter. You just have to like fun. Fun Haters Will Be Prosecuted. Or at least ignored. If you'd like to join us, please email me at that Email Me link up there to the right.

Also, keep an eye on the Project Blog, as all incoming news /arrivals/departures/Journal sightings will be posted there.

Remember When I Was All Sunshine and Laughter?

I hung up on another homeowner at work today after I gave him what he wanted and he still proceeded to rant at me and insult me and tell me how "screwed up" we all were. And then I went home.

Hmmm. Cranky much?

Dreamspeak

I slept for ten hours last night. Mackenzie's almost at twelve. We were exhausted. I had forgotten how enveloping swim and dive season is each July. This month, the pool comes first and everything else is an after-thought. If we're not too tired to remember everything else...

I had the strangest dream last night. I was going to teach a yoga class at the base gym and I was so excited and I had my sign-up sheet and music and had a plan... Until I arrived on the day of the class. Then I couldn't find the class list, I lost my music under a pile of my own junk, about 75 people showed up instead of the 8-12 women I was expecting, and it was only then that I remembered that I wasn't certified to teach yoga and, in fact, it had been about 3 years since I took a class myself. I woke up in a panic, just as everyone was starting to realize I had no Idea what I was doing. It was hideous, and now I've started the day feeling anxious and inadequate.

I always want to assign meaning to my dreams. I had one a few weeks ago, where a good male friend and I were at a party in Indiana with my family and having a great time. T was nowhere to be found. It bothered me for days, what that dream could mean.

It's not very often that I have a frivolous, just-for-fun dream. Lately, they've all been very deep and unsettling and maybe even a little too close to truth for me. My unconscious is trying to tell me something, but I'm not listening. I presume the dreams will just get worse and worse until I listen.

I wonder how long that will take.

Open Letter to Those With No Awareness of Social Boundaries. Yes, I'm Talking to You, Insufferable Baby-Talker.

Dear Woman in the Post Office~

Why are you so loud and obnoxious? Why do you think everyone wants to know that Aidan is getting 2 new teeth and that he's tired and needs a "nappy" and that he dropped his sippy cup by the commemorative stamps, that "silly-willy boy"? Why must you play peek-a-boo with him at such a volume that the entire patronage of the post office cannot hear themselves think? I realize that you think Aidan is just the cutest baby ever and the fact that he can cover his eyes and then uncover them and laugh is just a fucking miracle to you, Mom (?)...Grandma (?) (the long gray hair in a scrunchy and the WalMart Plus Size loungewear is throwing me off), but for the rest of us who have just suffered another intolerable week at the office and who just want to get home and chill out, your louder-than-socially-acceptable baby talk to Aidan, who can't talk back (and if he could would probably tell you to just shut the fuck up because you sound like a raving idiot and you're embarrassing the hell out of him, thankyouverymuch) is pushing us ever nearer the breaking point at which we grab an automatic rifle and go Postal on your ass. And then mix ourselves a cocktail and sit back and enjoy the silence.

Thank you,

Paige

Apologies & Excuses

Oh my god, you guys. I'm so sorry. We've had meets all week and have been getting home at 9pm and I'm so behind.

I PROMISE, PROMISE to get The Journal out by Monday at the VERY LATEST, if not sooner.

I have to go to bed right now because I'm tired as hell.

BTW, Mackenzie got Second at the dive meet tonight. She was beat by a child prodigy-diver. She was amazing. Beat Mac by 20 points!

Night.

Swim-A-Palooza

Today was the 4th of July Invitational Swim Meet. Mac did Back Stroke and the Free Relay. She did awesome. I got burnt. And my knees are killing me because I forgot the part of the newsletter that said, "There will be 6 teams there. Bring your own damn chairs!" So I had to stand. Also, I thought, "Who can get burnt at 8:30am?" Answer: "Me." Note to self: ALWAYS, ALWAYS, apply sunscreen at a swim meet. No matter how early it is.

Big take off:



Saying "Hi, Mom!":



They play music between Relay Races. Here she is rocking out:



PS - Our team tied for first.

Stuff I Was Too Irritated to Post Last Week

A squirrel in a tree:



A squirrelly dog who wants to eat the rodent in the tree: (And truly thinks that if I'd just open the door, he could jump right up there and murder it.)



Now. Look back at that photo for a minute. See the pretty red flowers in the background?...

Eleven days later:



It looks like I forgot to water them, right? Not. They just committed suicide. Here are the ones on the opposite side of the stairs:



And this is the mess that is our dining room table while I'm making jewelry:



You may not be invited over for dinner for a while.

Woman Drowning

Hi Guys! I'm here. We've just been so dang busy this week. Mac had a swim meet on Saturday (First in Breast, First in Back and Second in the Medley Relay!), I got our Journal and have filled out the "Forward" and "Rules" pages and am working on my page. My goal was to get it out to Betty today but I did not meet that goal. Not to fear. Lowering expectations is something at which I am excellent. Maybe Wednesday. I've been setting up my jewelry website (it's only been 2 years now...) and Mac had a meet tonight (First in Breast, Fifth in Individual Medley), has a swim meet in the morning (Hello, 7:20am on 4th of July. I don't think we've met before.), a BBQ at the pool in the afternoon (why are the "M's" always "Main Dish"?) and work and a dive meet on Wednesday. Maybe we can have lunch on Thursday...