I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Apparently, while 2008 is the Year of Paige, January is the Month of Misfortune for Paige. I'm assuming this will mean that the rest of the year will finally start looking up.

First, there was the Week of Broken Glass (door, fishbowl, almost door, almost window...),

Then, there was the Week of Household Breakage (curling iron, basement drain, humidifier, dishwasher, garage door*...),

And now we are looking at the the Week of Bathroom Incidents:

Tuesday. I woke up at 6am, jumped in the shower, and began my normal routine... wash and condition hair. Shave under arms. Rinse razor.

(And this is where things got dicey...)

When I swiped the razor (with new blades) behind me to catch some shower water, I got all 3 blades dangerously close to my right buttocks, and sliced myself from hip to mid-bootie. An 8-inch swath of stinging flesh. I checked to see if I was bleeding. Nope. But it stung! Check again. Nope! Finish showering and shaving the legs while periodically checking the bootie for a blood trail.

It wasn't until I got out that the extent of damage was obvious. All over my white towels.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to bandage your own butt? It's a logistical nightmare - not only the contortionism required, but also the practical problems involved here - do you use 1 huge bandage? Do you use several small band-aids? I decided on covering only the deepest areas cut and used 4 band-aids in the process. The rest of my day consisted of sitting and listening to clients for 7 1/2 hours, and driving for almost 3 hours. All while trying to ignore the sting on my right butt cheek.

Did I forget to tell you that after I got my butt bandaged that my hairdryer caught on fire? It did. The only good news here is that I was almost done drying my hair so it didn't look too heinous. I threw it away and am now using my travel hairdryer.

Late Night Edit: Holy cow! I almost forgot to tell you the part where insult was added to injury. Literally. The Neosporin I used to treat the Butt Cut gave me a rash. Now there is a swath of healing flesh under a layer of itchy-inflamed flesh. Sexy.

*Which actually wasn't broken. I was an idiot and set the snow shovel in front of the sensor. My dad had to come all the way (4 miles!) over here to figure it out for me. It's amazing I raised two children to teen-hood.