I was horrified, recently, to realize that I can tear up my "List of Five".
You'd think this would be good news, as I am now free to rendezvous with whomever I choose, but really, it just adds a whole new stress to the already sickening business of divorce. (Not that I think Matthew McConnaghey has been waiting in the wings for me to become unattached!) But here's the thing: The thought of consequence-free hooking up with a super-sexy celebrity while married, is fun. It's a slightly naughty, impossible fantasy - one you know will never happen and, quite frankly, would have sent me screaming in the opposite direction at the opportunity, as the thought of actually being intimate with someone new, famous or not, makes my stomach turn backflips.
While long-time married couples lament the tedium of sex with the same person forever and ever, the reality of someday starting a sexual relationship with someone new scares the bejeezuz out of me. While still married, I could kid myself that even though I'm almost 40, and 15 lbs heavier, and softer, and all birth-marked-up, he could look past all that and see only the 24-year-old girl he first met. At the very least, he could remember that I was once super-fit, toned, and scar-free.
We had 16 years to perfect the moves that garnered results. We didn't have to wonder any longer, "does he like this?", "will this hurt her?"... we made it past the shyness of new love and graduated to matter-of-fact sharing of information that made each of us more comfortable and confident in the bedroom. The thought of starting over, in a new relationship, is just horrifying enough to keep me holed up in my house, living the single life vicariously through "Sex and the City", unattached friends, and Chick Flicks. (Pass the popcorn, please.) I do suppose that someday, when I meet someone new, the natural progression of a relationship will lead me to intimacy without fear. But until then, lovemaking with a new partner is not so much a Fantasy as it is Scary as Hell.
I suppose the moral of this story is that an adequate sex life is not enough to save an otherwise dysfunctional relationship and the freedom to meet someone new is a double-edged sword.
File this in the TMI File.
Then feel free to forward it to Hugh Jackman.
8 comments:
Even though happily married, I think I totally get it. I have actually thought that that exact fear, if nothing else, would keep me from ever cheating.
And, I hope (Im pretty sure, actually) that the "natural progression" will in fact make it easier. But, hopefully just easier enough that you still get to experience those wonderful, awkward, but terribly exhilirating moments of the "new".
Im hoping for the absolute best for you!
Excuse me?! What the hell are you talking about, with this whole 'soft body' and overweight thing, and how you USED to be toned.
I do believe you posted a picture of yourself doing yoga or pilates in which you looked super hot.
Also, Matthew and Jack are gay. Sorry.
I hear you 100% on this. One of the reasons I got married was so I could stop dating. Just the dating part freaks me out. Forget sex with someone strange and new. Lord knows at the very least I'd have to buy all new undewear.
Dear John~
I love you.
Paige
And ps - NO THEY'RE NOT! TAKE THAT BACK!
If I found myself single I might just have to move to the nunnery. Nobody is going to knock on that door after Alan.
I think everything you said is why so many divorced couples end up having after divorce sex. Luckily you and Tater-cakes have many, many states between you. I know my friend recently had sex with her soon-to-be ex and she is not telling me. But damn! How can I fault her. She was lonely and horney and he was there (Oo. I think that could be sung to the theme song from "the Nanny")
Hang in there Hot Mama! Dillon will be on guard for the two ladies in his life!
Dear John,
Only in your slippery dreams ;)
Bec.
I too get what you are saying. After 18+ years I totally have Rob trained (heehee!).
Gay? Say it isn't so - they are just too cute to be wasted on other men!
I'm sure you're being much harder on yourself than anyone could possibly be on you. That said, I know this new stage of life will be scary and difficult, but you'll do just fine.
There mere thought of having someone else see the soft, birth-marked, slightly over-weight nakedness that is now me only motivates me to work a little harder at my marriage. Like you, the thought of a new partner scares the hell out of me and will certainly keep me from ever entertaining the idea of an affair!
Having said all that, there is also something quite exciting about the ability to start over and learn from the past! Best of luck to you!!
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