My Favorite Stalker

Do you have a sister*? Does she stalk you?

I just got off the phone with my sister for the FOURTH time today. (To be fair, I did call her once. To state that the Chorus teacher was 12 minutes late in letting the kids leave and that if I had kept her waiting with Mackenzie for 12 minutes after practice was supposed to be over, she would be incensed by the "thoughtless parent" who kept her waiting after school. ... I'm just sayin'.)

Don't mind me. I'm just cranky. My back hurts.

What was I saying? Oh yes. My sister. Her best trick is calling me when she's in the car going to pick up this kid or drop off that kid. Or during times like this morning, when she and the 5 year old were headed to Indianapolis for an eye appointment. She was hostage in her car for 60 miles and called me. Despite the fact that she knew I was at work. So I talked to her for longer than I'm willing to admit to you, dear Internet, lest you are actually my boss (Hi Beth!) and you decide to fire me.

Then, seven hours later, I called her while waiting for Mac. To commence with the bitching. Remember?

But she was at Target buying pink and purple glasses with "diamonds" (not for her, for the 5 year old, duh!) so she passed me off to each of her three daughters before hollering into the phone, "Can't talk! Call you back!"

And then, half-an-hour later, she did. So we talked about cooking and new recipes she has recently tried. (Including one from Real Simple with the unfortunate and stoopid name, "Quesadilla Pie." What it is, people, is a stacked enchilada! What redneck decided to name it "Quesadilla Pie"? It has cheese in it. That's where the Quesadilla-ness ends... Therefore, I forbid her to use that title and would only talk to her if she called it "Stacked Enchilada.") So we talked for a while about that, and how much we hate Sandra Lee because it is not ok to match your menu with your outfit with your curtains with your table setting. Yet, we still watch her because sometimes "Semi-Homemade" is way easier than "Totally Homemade." Then she had to go because she is not divorced and she must make dinner for her Husband and Offspring.

Then, mere minutes later, she called me back. Because she started to panic that the recipe called for a 9-in pan or a 2 qt. casserole and her tortillas weren't! going to! fit! But then she tried it and they did. Crisis averted. Which is a good thing, because she wasn't going to like my idea of carefully trimming each tortilla with her kitchen shears. Muahahahaha! But then she called it "Quesadilla Pie." Three more times.

Then I hung up on her.

I haven't heard from her since.

*A sister who called me up to start a Blog for her so she could join in the fun, then played for 2 weeks before disappearing forever to let her page languish and stall on the Information Superhighway.