Sex Ed by Brandi

Apparently, Fifth Grade is the American standard for Sexual Enlightenment a la the Public School System.

The sex talk has changed since this 39-year-old was subject to its absurdity circa 1977; this is what Mac learned last year.

Not much was news to her. Our house has been fairly open during these formative years. If the kids had questions, we answered them in the most truthful-without-being-graphic way we could and left the door open for clarification as they matured. Sexuality is something discussed in general conversation, read in books, and even dropped into jokes in our house. I didn't want "sex" to be that taboo subject that was discussed only Mother-to-Daughter and Father-to-Son, a top secret production behind closed doors. I figured the more casually we discussed it, the more easily they would see us as sexual beings and in turn, the more comfortable they would be asking us questions.

In our home, we have tended toward the liberal side when choosing appropriate media for them to read, watch, and hear. They both saw rated R movies (some undeniably inappropriate) years before many of their peers, though we were not completely without standards there. Mac still hasn't seen American Pie or 40-Year-Old Virgin, but has watched Rent, The Handmaid's Tale, and all ten seasons of Friends. Rent opened the door to discuss homosexuality, HIV-AIDS, IV drug use, after The Handmaid's Tale we discussed how awful it must be to not have exclusive rights to your own body, and as for Friends, when Joey talked about condoms, so did we.

She just finished reading the classic Love Story, she has read Luna, about a transgendered boy coming to terms with his sexuality and his father, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, which deals with a group of high school girlfriends and love and loss and sex too early.

I believe that because we chose to treat sexuality as Regular and just a Fact Of Life, my children developed a sense of maturity that pre-empted much of the embarrassment, giggling and fascination with All Things Sexual that I have witnessed in their peers.

I understand a danger some adults see in treating sexuality with such a flippant attitude. Some may fear that this will cause young people to treat sex, the act, more casually and become sexually active earlier than they may have otherwise. And, in fact, news reports seem to back up this very claim. I have found this to not be the case in my family. While we treat sexuality itself casually, we do not overlook the consequences of teen sex and the importance of treating your body with respect. We are very serious about that. And they seem to understand and share our views.

It's a fact among the Tween Set that having to discuss the inevitable side effects of puberty with any adult is a painful endeavor, only slightly more horrifying than that dream where you arrive at school only to look down and see that you forgot to get dressed, and when you look up the coolest boy on campus is standing right in front of you, staring at your pink flowered panties. Utter the word menstruation to an 11-year-old and watch her cringe in despair and roll her eyes full of loathing: "I mean, for real, like I totally know all that stuff and, like, that dorky teacher from last year already gave us a pamphlet on it. What do you want to talk about anyway?" It's a losing battle. And, quite frankly, the school's probably done a better job teaching them the basics than we could anyway (Do you have labeled posters of the female reproductive system and outdated films of Mary Jane learning to strap on a sanitary belt?). What I have done, is casually brought it up over the years, made literature available (among them, the very cliche Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret), talked, in an offhanded way, about my own experience ("Dang, these cramps today! I can barely stand up." or "Huh, this period's not too bad. Last month was so heavy I almost bought some Depends!"), and never, ever have I made her self-conscious by teasing her about her growing "boobies" or needing to shave.

By no means do I think that my way is the Best Way or even the Right Way. But I do know that it was the way that we were most comfortable with, and I think Dillon and Mackenzie would agree that it was the Right Way For Us.