Again With the Paint

There has been a painting situation going down in this house lately.

In 2007, I fell in love at first sight with my home right off the MLS sheet. I called my realtor (the Worst Realtor Ever, BTW) who got me in to see it the very next day and standing on the front porch, after months of searching and countless boring houses, I knew that this was the house I was going to buy - a tiny little 2-bedroom bungalow with a semi-finished basement. It looked like a beach house with the massive windows, snow white trim, and scuffed-up hardwood floors. I wanted to expand on the beachy feeling and in sharp contrast to the vivid colors I painted the townhouse in Virginia*, I chose seaside shades for this home - sand, green beachglass, and blue, blue water. I wanted to create a soothing, relaxing, girlie-if-you-will, space for what I expected to be mine and Mackenzie's oasis.

That lasted one year.

With a new husband and new sons and new busyness, the colors in this home haven't felt vibrant enough for this family in constant motion. So last week, I painted the dining room Asparagus Green:



... and this week the living room will be Robin's Egg Blue (keeping the brown on the chimney):


Hopefully by spring, the kitchen cabinets will be white, the walls Periwinkle, and the back wall of the kitchen chalkboard paint - necessary for keeping track of my crew.

Mackenzie laughed at me when I told her what I was going to do, saying, "I don't know why you painted the house those colors in the first place - I think you were trying to be grown up. Are you over it now?"

And I suppose I am. The bold colors are back and they seem to infuse our home with a vibrancy that fits the constant hustle and bustle around here.

*Wow. There is a lot of new furniture in this house - a combination of selling my old stuff on CraigsList and purchasing new PaigeAndTim furniture, and a bit of Tim's stuff added to the mixture.

All We Ask is a Little Understanding

Transitions are hard for Alex. He needs fair warning if we are to leave the house, if it's time to take down the Christmas tree, or if it's almost time to turn off the movie and take a bath. Autistic children prefer order and routine. They don't like you to spring a new plan on them without plenty of advance notice. And for an autistic child of divorce, the change in households, routine, expectations, and rules can be terribly disorienting.

Alex spends every other weekend with his mother in Indianapolis (and usually one night of that with her parents in town) and those Sunday nights when he comes home can be so frustrating for him. Last Sunday evening, he was a little fired up when he came home from his visit so I put "Bee Movie" in the DVD player in his room so that he could watch and just chill out for the 30 minutes before bed which he watched for a bit before asking for Tim. I explained and signed to him that Tim was at work but that we could call him on the phone so Alex could talk to him. While the phone was ringing, Alex signed "boat" (meaning that he wanted to watch PT109). We only have that movie on the DVD hard drive located out in the living room where Mac was reading and it was only 10 minutes before bed, so I told Alex that we could not watch it tonight but that we could watch it tomorrow. This information was more than he could handle and his little mouth opened up and he closed his eyes and just started bawling. (Of course at this moment, Tim answered the phone and wondered what the hell was going on. I quickly explained and told him we would have to call him back.) Alex came to me and put his arms around me, soaking my shoulder with his ginormous crocodile tears and I took him to his room and lay down with him, chattering all the while, trying to take his mind off of his Enormous Sad. I ended up the speaking voice for Mr. Crabs - a half French, half Spanish accent - and within 5 minutes he had forgotten all about his boat movie disappointment and was cracking up at The Silly. He talked to Tim for a few minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion.

Last night was a similar scenario. He was still transitioning from his mom's house, add in the transition from a 2 week break, and the poor boy spent the hours between school and bed just moments away from tears and finally - I don't even remember what it was - but something tipped him just over the edge. Tim was home and took him to lie down at which point Alex fell asleep almost immediately. The first day back at school wore him out.

I hate that he has to deal with this change every 2 weeks. I hate the enormous disappointment that comes from not being able to expect the same rules and routine in each household he frequents. If all 3 households could work together to have and enforce the same rules, this problem would be lessened, but I think it's too much to ask 2 sets of parents and 1 set of grandparents to agree on what the rules are and how they will be enforced. I tell myself that on some level the frequent transition is good for him - it keeps him from becoming too much of a homebody keeping the same repetitive routine. But on nights like Sunday and Monday, we want to never let him leave our sight again. We want to form a protective cocoon around him and let him know exactly what he can expect from one moment to the next. He was better tonight. There wasn't a single tear and he was engaged and playing with Mackenzie and I.

While at my daily de-briefing with his teacher this afternoon, she said that Alex had been experiencing some behaviors (a few tears, slight aggression) but she just thought that it was just a "transition thing" unlike his last teacher, who would have put him in an extended time out, perpetuating the behaviors. We love his new teacher. She is smart and she understands Alex.

Standing on the Threshold of 2009

Last year, Annie dubbed 2008 "The Year of Paige." She was right and I rocked the last year. I worked, I paid the mortgage all by myself, I mothered 2 children alone, I maintained my home, and I fell in love. Right in the middle of my I-Am-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar One Woman Show, I fell in love...

And you know how you go to your stuffy Great-Aunt Gertrude's home for Thanksgiving and everyone is dressed up in their finest and using every single manner that they ever learned and then, during a lull in the conversation at the Adult Table, YOUR PRE-SCHOOLER drops the F-Bomb at the top of his lungs? You know how it makes the very Earth slow down and the entire Universe of Your Family sucks in their collective breath to see what is going to happen? And then every single eye in the room is on you? While the cogs in their brains are working overtime to try and figure this out - how this could happen Right Here and Right Now?

In my world, that is what happened last summer when Tim and I announced that we were going to get married. I didn't expect anyone to understand it, but I knew it was Right. And now, barely six months later, my 968 square-foot bungalow with a basement has expanded to include an attic room, my 3-person family has expanded to 7, the peace and quiet and clean is all but gone, and I am happier than I have ever been in my life and my family can see that. I have a husband, but I also have a Voice. I have to compromise again, but my needs and desires Count. I don't run a bank or perform life-saving surgeries, but to my husband and my children, I am as Important as the CEOs who run this country and the doctors who save our lives.

There are still repurcussions from my past life that bite me in the butt every day, but 2008 gave me Power. It taught me to stand up for myself and fight for what is right. It taught me that rolling over on important issues will not work for me and that I have a responsibility not only to myself, but to my children to take a stand.

I've closed the door on 2008 and standing on the threshold of 2009, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I don't yet know what the new year has in store for us, but I do know that whatever comes our way, Tim and I will handle it together - the good and the bad.

And anyway, I have a feeling - it's going to be a happy year.

Reading List 2009

Hello. Let's endeavor to read more this year than during the past 2 years, shall we?

• Devil in the White City ~ Erik Larson (started 10/08, finished 1/09 - I will not be winning any speed-reading contests at this rate)
• A Certain Slant of Light ~ Laura Whitcomb
• The Shipping News ~ Annie Proulx
• Firefly Lane ~ Kristin Hannah
• there was a book or two in here which I can not recall
  
• Twilight ~ Stephenie Meyer
• New Moon ~ Stephenie Meyer
• Eclipse ~ Stephenie Meyer
• New Dawn ~ Stephenie Meyer

7 Days:Day 7: Kickin' Our Feet Up

We are beat. The week has done us in and we are so exhausted that I don't even know what to write in this description!

BYE, Everyone! It was a blast as always! As long as Russ remembers to send me a reminder email, I will see you all in March! xo

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 6: Spiral Portrait

Merry Christmas! You'd think I'd have a Christmasey-er photo for today... but you'd be wrong. The day was packed and i quickly took this one on the recently-almost-finished staircase before leaving to visit the Parental Units.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 5: Wish

Theme: Where am I?

I'm Wishing IN the Star. Merry, Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 4: Twinkletoes

All of a sudden, Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I wish now, that I hadn't spent Sunday in Epic Laziness. Here's a quick 7 Days shot to post so I can go about my business.

(And on a sidenote, this is the second of my 3 tattoos. It is a circle made of Autism puzzle pieces with 4 footprints running through it representing the 4 kids: Dillon, Joe, Alex and Mackenzie. Each of the footprints touches the puzzle, just as Alex's autism touches each of their lives.) Tim has the same design under his arm.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 3: Candy Cane

...from my favorite candy store in town. When I was living away from home all those years, Mom always made an effort to go downtown to McCord Candies to buy me my very own stash of their candy canes. This year, my new husband brought me a bag.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 2: Indiana Puts the "Winter" in "Winter Solstice"

It is currently 1 degree F here (-17C). If you visit, you should bundle up.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

Joe

Joe is 17 (actually, "seventeen-and-a-half" as he informed Tim and I last week) and a Junior in high school. He is a singer-actor. An amazing singer-actor. He's been a part of Civic Theater productions, school productions, and performs in his own band. Last summer, he played the Elvis-Singing-Pharaoh in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat..."


...and completely stole the show. He had a lead in the school's fall production of Neil Simon's "Rumors," and last month put on an incredible Lumiere from "Beauty and the Beast," French accent and all. He made the school's premiere choir, First Edition and just participated in an amazing Christmas Show:



Joe has played the guitar forever. If you chance to mosey past our house, you are likely to get a private concert - even from the street (God love the amp). I'd worry about our neighbors except that the neighbor has his own amp to compete with Joe's. The following video is from his last school's talent show in 2007:



Joe is a typical teenager - he sometimes gets too big for his britches, but has a heart of gold and will help out if only you ask. He has an infectious smile and when he breaks out into a (usually mischievous) grin, you can't help but smile back at his giant dimples and sincerity.

Joe does everything at full speed. He often leaves doors open behind him and rarely takes the time to fully dry off after his shower - he walks through the house leaving a trail of water to show where he's been. As you can imagine, his room is usually a disaster and when we can catch him coming or going is when we have to remind him that it needs to be cleaned periodically.


Joe is intense. He feels emotions sharply and believes in his convictions with all his might. He tends to throw himself into everything he does, which probably is what makes him such an amazing performer. Joe loves to debate. To channel his skills away from the parental units, we are encouraging him to join the school Debate Team where he can debate to his heart's content. Joe loves Fall Out Boy and was horrified to learn that I had no idea who Patrick Stump was. Now I know.


Joe wants to major in Radio and TV (and Music) Production and currently hopes to pursue that Dream at Ball State. But that's "currently." He also has a tendency to change his mind with the wind. I'll keep you posted.



Even though his peaceful, independent, bachelor lifestyle ended when he, Tim and Alex moved into my home, I think if you asked him he'd say that he is happy to be a part of the Crazy that lives here. He and Dillon are like two peas in a pod - have you seen "Step Brothers?" That's their theme movie. He now has Mac to gang up on Tim and I with and to join him on a mall-run (or Sonic - they love Sonic).



I, for one, am glad Joe is a part of my family. He makes me laugh and calls me "Momma," just like Dillon does. He gives me a hug when he sees I'm having a bad day and occasionally kisses me when he leaves. He brings an energy to the house that Mackenzie, Dillon and I were lacking - he gives our ultra-laid-backedness (yes, I made that up. I do that.) a much-needed shot of oomph. While he adds his fair share of "Crazy" to the home, Mac and I agree that it wouldn't be nearly as fun around here without Joe in the house. So thank you, Sweetie, for being you.

7 Days:Day 1: Believe

...in yourself
...in love
...in your dreams
...in new beginnings
...in others
...in hope
...in Santa

7 Days has returned again, in which we post one self-portrait a day for the next *7 days* (heh, get it?). This tattoo is new and was inspired by this bracelet, given to me by Beth.

How Is Paige?

...Let me tell you how Paige is:


Paige is putting frozen peas in the cupboard.

Not. Good.

I Voted

You're welcome, Mr. Obama.



(Dear Dead Family-
You may resume rolling over in your graves.

Dear Alive Family-
You may continue to talk quietly amongst yourselves: "Oh, that Paige. What are we going to do with her?...")

(Added today - 11/3 - as Paige realizes that hitting *save now* is not the same as hitting *publish post*. Duh.)

Alex

It has occurred to me during the past couple of weeks that I haven't properly introduced you to my two new sons yet. As we've been on the topic of Alex, I'll continue with him and then introduce you to Joe.

This is Alex.

Alex is almost 14. He is 2 months older than Mackenzie, still leaving her in her role of the "baby" of the family. Alex is happy, he is sensitive, he is smart - he's smarter than you think; he has a great sense of humor and is quite a teaser. Alex is affectionate - he is a hugger and a toucher. Alex is non-verbal. He uses mostly signs or gestures and his few words to communicate with us. He signs "daddy," he says "ma." He signs drink, bathroom, movie, swim, fish, school, home - he has about 40 signs in all, including special signs for Joe and Mackenzie. He has about 15 words, including doggy, home, please, and no & why which he saves for those special occasions when we are lulled into a sense of complacency and we forget that he's our baby, but also a teenager. Alex always wears a ball cap and a plastic wristband on each arm (the current flavor is Livestrong)... always. Alex has autism.


Alex loves to watch movies and he'll watch them over and over if left to his own devices. He thinks Indiana Jones is great, Spiderman & Batman are two of his favorite heroes, and anything with a dog is worth watching, in his opinion. Bob the Builder is a favorite and Bob even has his own sign - simulating a hammering motion, fyi.

Alex loves airplanes and air shows. He owns a truckload of toy airplanes and several airshow DVDs. Evidently, a guy can never have too many airplanes. Naturally, he has a thing for fire trucks and all things fireman - toys, pictures, books, blankets, videos, clothes - you name it, we've got it in a firefighter theme. (All but the dog - we have 2 dogs, neither one with a spot between them.) Alex has a road map rug, facilitating the leaving-around of thousands of matchbox cars. (Watch your step at my house.) Speaking of maps, I keep a map in my car because Alex loves to look at a map (and then usually tells us we need to head to Nebraska or New Mexico or somewhere equally unlikely). Alex loves to play with an old, rotary-dial phone. He gets out the phonebook and calls his friend Ross from school. Sometimes he calls his mom or his grandma.


Alex really only wants to drink Diet Root Beer. In the morning, we can talk him into chocolate milk, and recently we've been able to sneak in some water enhanced with a flavoring. He doesn't like ice cream because it's too cold, but loves a vanilla milkshake. Alex will eat just about anything. He LOVES him some chips & salsa, sugar snap peas, and corn on the cob, but his absolute favorite is crab and will eat an adult portion at a restaurant (and then some - watch your plate).

Alex's favorite person in the whole world is his dad:


Alex will be starting at Mackenzie's school in a few days. We are hopeful that the new teacher will teach him some new signs, his numbers 1-10, some letters beyond those in his name, and begin to teach him basic but necessary life skills, some which will eventually lead to a vocation, be it bagging groceries or working at a recycling facility (the kid LOVES to recycle). We don't know what the future holds for Alex, but we do know that he will never lead an independent life - he will always need some measure of supervision. For now, we know that Alex will be in school until he's 21, after which we will have to evaluate the possibilities. Being unsure might sound scary, but it's ok - we've got 7 years to decide what we'll do, and until then, we'll just relax and enjoy our family: