Standing on the Threshold of 2009

Last year, Annie dubbed 2008 "The Year of Paige." She was right and I rocked the last year. I worked, I paid the mortgage all by myself, I mothered 2 children alone, I maintained my home, and I fell in love. Right in the middle of my I-Am-Woman-Hear-Me-Roar One Woman Show, I fell in love...

And you know how you go to your stuffy Great-Aunt Gertrude's home for Thanksgiving and everyone is dressed up in their finest and using every single manner that they ever learned and then, during a lull in the conversation at the Adult Table, YOUR PRE-SCHOOLER drops the F-Bomb at the top of his lungs? You know how it makes the very Earth slow down and the entire Universe of Your Family sucks in their collective breath to see what is going to happen? And then every single eye in the room is on you? While the cogs in their brains are working overtime to try and figure this out - how this could happen Right Here and Right Now?

In my world, that is what happened last summer when Tim and I announced that we were going to get married. I didn't expect anyone to understand it, but I knew it was Right. And now, barely six months later, my 968 square-foot bungalow with a basement has expanded to include an attic room, my 3-person family has expanded to 7, the peace and quiet and clean is all but gone, and I am happier than I have ever been in my life and my family can see that. I have a husband, but I also have a Voice. I have to compromise again, but my needs and desires Count. I don't run a bank or perform life-saving surgeries, but to my husband and my children, I am as Important as the CEOs who run this country and the doctors who save our lives.

There are still repurcussions from my past life that bite me in the butt every day, but 2008 gave me Power. It taught me to stand up for myself and fight for what is right. It taught me that rolling over on important issues will not work for me and that I have a responsibility not only to myself, but to my children to take a stand.

I've closed the door on 2008 and standing on the threshold of 2009, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I don't yet know what the new year has in store for us, but I do know that whatever comes our way, Tim and I will handle it together - the good and the bad.

And anyway, I have a feeling - it's going to be a happy year.

Reading List 2009

Hello. Let's endeavor to read more this year than during the past 2 years, shall we?

• Devil in the White City ~ Erik Larson (started 10/08, finished 1/09 - I will not be winning any speed-reading contests at this rate)
• A Certain Slant of Light ~ Laura Whitcomb
• The Shipping News ~ Annie Proulx
• Firefly Lane ~ Kristin Hannah
• there was a book or two in here which I can not recall
  
• Twilight ~ Stephenie Meyer
• New Moon ~ Stephenie Meyer
• Eclipse ~ Stephenie Meyer
• New Dawn ~ Stephenie Meyer

7 Days:Day 7: Kickin' Our Feet Up

We are beat. The week has done us in and we are so exhausted that I don't even know what to write in this description!

BYE, Everyone! It was a blast as always! As long as Russ remembers to send me a reminder email, I will see you all in March! xo

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 6: Spiral Portrait

Merry Christmas! You'd think I'd have a Christmasey-er photo for today... but you'd be wrong. The day was packed and i quickly took this one on the recently-almost-finished staircase before leaving to visit the Parental Units.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 5: Wish

Theme: Where am I?

I'm Wishing IN the Star. Merry, Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 4: Twinkletoes

All of a sudden, Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I wish now, that I hadn't spent Sunday in Epic Laziness. Here's a quick 7 Days shot to post so I can go about my business.

(And on a sidenote, this is the second of my 3 tattoos. It is a circle made of Autism puzzle pieces with 4 footprints running through it representing the 4 kids: Dillon, Joe, Alex and Mackenzie. Each of the footprints touches the puzzle, just as Alex's autism touches each of their lives.) Tim has the same design under his arm.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 3: Candy Cane

...from my favorite candy store in town. When I was living away from home all those years, Mom always made an effort to go downtown to McCord Candies to buy me my very own stash of their candy canes. This year, my new husband brought me a bag.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

7 Days:Day 2: Indiana Puts the "Winter" in "Winter Solstice"

It is currently 1 degree F here (-17C). If you visit, you should bundle up.

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

Joe

Joe is 17 (actually, "seventeen-and-a-half" as he informed Tim and I last week) and a Junior in high school. He is a singer-actor. An amazing singer-actor. He's been a part of Civic Theater productions, school productions, and performs in his own band. Last summer, he played the Elvis-Singing-Pharaoh in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat..."


...and completely stole the show. He had a lead in the school's fall production of Neil Simon's "Rumors," and last month put on an incredible Lumiere from "Beauty and the Beast," French accent and all. He made the school's premiere choir, First Edition and just participated in an amazing Christmas Show:



Joe has played the guitar forever. If you chance to mosey past our house, you are likely to get a private concert - even from the street (God love the amp). I'd worry about our neighbors except that the neighbor has his own amp to compete with Joe's. The following video is from his last school's talent show in 2007:



Joe is a typical teenager - he sometimes gets too big for his britches, but has a heart of gold and will help out if only you ask. He has an infectious smile and when he breaks out into a (usually mischievous) grin, you can't help but smile back at his giant dimples and sincerity.

Joe does everything at full speed. He often leaves doors open behind him and rarely takes the time to fully dry off after his shower - he walks through the house leaving a trail of water to show where he's been. As you can imagine, his room is usually a disaster and when we can catch him coming or going is when we have to remind him that it needs to be cleaned periodically.


Joe is intense. He feels emotions sharply and believes in his convictions with all his might. He tends to throw himself into everything he does, which probably is what makes him such an amazing performer. Joe loves to debate. To channel his skills away from the parental units, we are encouraging him to join the school Debate Team where he can debate to his heart's content. Joe loves Fall Out Boy and was horrified to learn that I had no idea who Patrick Stump was. Now I know.


Joe wants to major in Radio and TV (and Music) Production and currently hopes to pursue that Dream at Ball State. But that's "currently." He also has a tendency to change his mind with the wind. I'll keep you posted.



Even though his peaceful, independent, bachelor lifestyle ended when he, Tim and Alex moved into my home, I think if you asked him he'd say that he is happy to be a part of the Crazy that lives here. He and Dillon are like two peas in a pod - have you seen "Step Brothers?" That's their theme movie. He now has Mac to gang up on Tim and I with and to join him on a mall-run (or Sonic - they love Sonic).



I, for one, am glad Joe is a part of my family. He makes me laugh and calls me "Momma," just like Dillon does. He gives me a hug when he sees I'm having a bad day and occasionally kisses me when he leaves. He brings an energy to the house that Mackenzie, Dillon and I were lacking - he gives our ultra-laid-backedness (yes, I made that up. I do that.) a much-needed shot of oomph. While he adds his fair share of "Crazy" to the home, Mac and I agree that it wouldn't be nearly as fun around here without Joe in the house. So thank you, Sweetie, for being you.

7 Days:Day 1: Believe

...in yourself
...in love
...in your dreams
...in new beginnings
...in others
...in hope
...in Santa

7 Days has returned again, in which we post one self-portrait a day for the next *7 days* (heh, get it?). This tattoo is new and was inspired by this bracelet, given to me by Beth.

How Is Paige?

...Let me tell you how Paige is:


Paige is putting frozen peas in the cupboard.

Not. Good.

I Voted

You're welcome, Mr. Obama.



(Dear Dead Family-
You may resume rolling over in your graves.

Dear Alive Family-
You may continue to talk quietly amongst yourselves: "Oh, that Paige. What are we going to do with her?...")

(Added today - 11/3 - as Paige realizes that hitting *save now* is not the same as hitting *publish post*. Duh.)

Alex

It has occurred to me during the past couple of weeks that I haven't properly introduced you to my two new sons yet. As we've been on the topic of Alex, I'll continue with him and then introduce you to Joe.

This is Alex.

Alex is almost 14. He is 2 months older than Mackenzie, still leaving her in her role of the "baby" of the family. Alex is happy, he is sensitive, he is smart - he's smarter than you think; he has a great sense of humor and is quite a teaser. Alex is affectionate - he is a hugger and a toucher. Alex is non-verbal. He uses mostly signs or gestures and his few words to communicate with us. He signs "daddy," he says "ma." He signs drink, bathroom, movie, swim, fish, school, home - he has about 40 signs in all, including special signs for Joe and Mackenzie. He has about 15 words, including doggy, home, please, and no & why which he saves for those special occasions when we are lulled into a sense of complacency and we forget that he's our baby, but also a teenager. Alex always wears a ball cap and a plastic wristband on each arm (the current flavor is Livestrong)... always. Alex has autism.


Alex loves to watch movies and he'll watch them over and over if left to his own devices. He thinks Indiana Jones is great, Spiderman & Batman are two of his favorite heroes, and anything with a dog is worth watching, in his opinion. Bob the Builder is a favorite and Bob even has his own sign - simulating a hammering motion, fyi.

Alex loves airplanes and air shows. He owns a truckload of toy airplanes and several airshow DVDs. Evidently, a guy can never have too many airplanes. Naturally, he has a thing for fire trucks and all things fireman - toys, pictures, books, blankets, videos, clothes - you name it, we've got it in a firefighter theme. (All but the dog - we have 2 dogs, neither one with a spot between them.) Alex has a road map rug, facilitating the leaving-around of thousands of matchbox cars. (Watch your step at my house.) Speaking of maps, I keep a map in my car because Alex loves to look at a map (and then usually tells us we need to head to Nebraska or New Mexico or somewhere equally unlikely). Alex loves to play with an old, rotary-dial phone. He gets out the phonebook and calls his friend Ross from school. Sometimes he calls his mom or his grandma.


Alex really only wants to drink Diet Root Beer. In the morning, we can talk him into chocolate milk, and recently we've been able to sneak in some water enhanced with a flavoring. He doesn't like ice cream because it's too cold, but loves a vanilla milkshake. Alex will eat just about anything. He LOVES him some chips & salsa, sugar snap peas, and corn on the cob, but his absolute favorite is crab and will eat an adult portion at a restaurant (and then some - watch your plate).

Alex's favorite person in the whole world is his dad:


Alex will be starting at Mackenzie's school in a few days. We are hopeful that the new teacher will teach him some new signs, his numbers 1-10, some letters beyond those in his name, and begin to teach him basic but necessary life skills, some which will eventually lead to a vocation, be it bagging groceries or working at a recycling facility (the kid LOVES to recycle). We don't know what the future holds for Alex, but we do know that he will never lead an independent life - he will always need some measure of supervision. For now, we know that Alex will be in school until he's 21, after which we will have to evaluate the possibilities. Being unsure might sound scary, but it's ok - we've got 7 years to decide what we'll do, and until then, we'll just relax and enjoy our family:

7 Days:Day 7: Reunited

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

Yesterday was challenging. What follows is only 1/3 of the issues we dealt with, and only the tip of this iceberg for this issue:

About 6 months ago, it became apparent that Tim's 13-year-old son Alex, who is Autistic and non-verbal, needed something more than what his then-classroom could provide so at the urging of others, we started looking at more specialized and intensive programs. Unfortunately, as our town is middle-sized and not a large city, our choices were limited. After much research and deliberation, we decided on a residential treatment facility in Indianapolis that specializes in Autism. The plan was that he would live at school during the week (with visitors almost every evening) and come home to our home and his mom's home on alternating weekends. This was an intensive intervention to teach him sign language and basic life skills that was to last only a year or two before he would return to our home and pick up with his peers here in the public school system.

At the beginning of September, after much preparation and discussion about the transition, we took him to his new school. During the course of the past 3 1/2 weeks, Alex went from a happy, social boy to a despondent, weepy boy. When we would go visit him during the week, he would sign that he was sick - he wanted to go home and thought his was his ticket out of there. We began to think that he was placed in the wrong unit or the wrong classroom and has asked for a meeting with the school to discuss other options. But when we arrived for our visit on Thursday night, and found his teacher alone in her classroom, we decided to go in and ask her how he was doing. We noticed right away that the colorful and stimulating classroom that we had toured during the summer was barren and sterile. The old teacher had left and this teacher was new. Her responses to our questions were less-than-promising. She stated that he was non-responsive in class, that he had not been using the signs he knows, but that he could pick some out on flash cards. Flash cards? Learning more signs and enhancing his communication was one of the primary reasons he was there. I'm not a teacher, but I know that using flash cards to teach Alex to communicate will not work. We were promised a Sign Language expert and that everyone in contact with Alex would know his signs. This did not happen. The teacher stated that he seemed "spaced out," "lost" and "scared." She said that he had been "targeted" by a couple kids in the class who pinched and shoved him. When asked if she thought Alex belonged in her classroom, she hesitated and couldn't give us an answer. When asked if she could provide us with a daily or weekly update, oddly enough, she didn't even have our email address. We left her classroom knowing that this teacher was incompetent to teach Alex. Disheartened, we went to get Alex out of the Autism Unit to take him off-campus for a milkshake.

At 6pm, we found our boy alone in his room, rocking (as autistic kids will tend to do) in a corner, with the lights and tv off. He had on a dirty shirt, his face was dirty, his hair greasy. He smiled at us when we walked in, but there was a cry right behind that smile. We told him we were taking him for a milkshake. He asked, "Home?" We told him that no, his mom was coming to get him tomorrow - we were just going for a milkshake. Tim changed Alex's shirt and we went to Culver's where he barely engaged with us, leaned into his dad the entire time we were there, and signed that he was sick. On the way back to his school, we called the director of the autism unit and asked for a meeting with him today. It was arranged for 1pm. When we got to the school, we walked around the track a couple of times before taking him back to his room and reading him a story. He didn't want us to go, but we told him that we would be back tomorrow and kissed him goodbye.

Leaving that child there was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. We didn't want to leave him, but we didn't want to react to the situation instead of thinking it through and responding appropriately. A lot of people had jumped thorough a lot of hoops for us to get Alex placed there, in the "best autism treatment center in central Indiana." But by the time we reached our home, we knew we were bringing him home for good today and that no promise the administration could make to us would make us feel like he was safe and well in their care.

Our meeting at 1:00 today was cancelled due to an emergency. Ten minutes after hearing that news, we were in the car on the way to Indy, with empty Rubbermaid boxes in the back. When we walked into the unit at 11:30, we asked Alex, "Want to go home?" He laughed and jumped up and down and said yes. I don't think he understood the magnitude of what we were asking until we took the boxes to his room and I started to put his clothes in one. He watched me for a minute then started grabbing things off his bed - blankie, Mr. Crabs, and his puppet Sammy, and threw them into an empty box. He was going home and he knew it. The boy that we had lost for a month was back. He giggled and laughed and hugged us and smiled all the way home.

He's asleep in the room next to ours as I type. We don't know what the future holds for Alex, but we know that it won't ever be far from us again. We know that we can't provide the best Autism treatment money can buy, but we can provide love and safety and a happy home for him. He's here to stay. This is where he belongs.

7 Days:Day 6: Just Walk Away

Taken for the Flickr group, 7 Days.

We had a few family crises today, but nothing we can't handle together. Some things we needed to face head on, some we needed to just walk away from.