Regrets

Mackenzie asked me the other day if I had any regrets.

There are so many things that I could regret.

I could regret not trying harder in school. I could have made the dean's list for all eight semesters, and not just the last three. But I don't think it would have changed my life as it is now.

I could regret some of those relationships I had during those hazy years of college. But, I had fun, and, again, no lasting repercussions.

I could regret the under-age drinking, and later recreational pot-smoking now that I have a teen myself and will be telling him that these things are the very things I want him to avoid, but, again, I turned out ok.

I could regret getting married at twenty, pregnant six-months later, and finding myself a single mom eighteen months after that. But then I wouldn't have Dillon.

I could regret marrying into the Navy and spending the next twenty years away from my family. But I can't imagine my life without Tater and subsequently, Mackenzie. I wouldn't have seen the things we've seen, been the places we've been, or met the friends we now call family.

I could regret the times that I was a less-than stellar parent. But I know I've done my best and my kids are awesome. Simply awesome.

What I do regret is one incident that happened in college. I was sitting outside on a stone bench, surrounded by other stone benches occupied by other students. Directly across from me, on the outer edge of this sitting area was an oak tree with a garbage can next to it. An Indian Summer had come to Indiana, and I was enjoying the last of summer while studying and waiting for my next class. I remember looking up from my books just in time to see a blind student tap, tap his way past a stone bench and slam right into the trashcan under the tree. My instincts made me start to get up and help, until I looked around and saw that no one, not even the kids closest to the blind student were offering help. My self-consciousness kicked in, and I realized that if I got up to help him, everyone would be looking at me (and what if my help angered him and he rejected it?). So I sat there. With everyone else, silently watching a young blind man tap-taping his way out of the maze of concrete benches he had haplessly wandered into.

That was twenty years ago. The blind boy and the other students are strangers today as they were back then and probably not one of them, including the blind boy, even remembers those few moments we shared in history. But I have played that scene over in my head, hundreds, maybe thousands, of times since. Sometimes I sit there and do nothing again. Sometimes I get up to help and draw the wrath of a proud young man. Sometimes he is very grateful for my help and gets on his way without bruising his knees on trashcans and benches. I know if I had the chance to do over, I'd make the right choice. I would get up to help him. Even if people stared at me. Even if I angered him.

And that was what I told Mackenzie, in the hope that if she ever finds herself in a similar situation someday, she will remember that this trivial incident, probably best forgotten, was my biggest regret.

"Back Home Again, In Indiana..."

After over 4 years in Japan, the kids and I are slowly adjusting to life on this side of the pond...

I rarely flinch anymore when my mother pulls out into the right side of traffic, the grocery store is less overwhelming than it was that first few weeks, and it’s not weird anymore that Noodle takes the bus to and from school. I’m thinking about starting to drive again this week, kids wearing Purdue sweatshirts don’t surprise me anymore, and I don’t feel the need to eat at every American restaurant I see. Noodle has stopped mourning the loss of her old classmates and is making friends in her new class, and D is actually going to play more than 3 other teams in football this year.

On the other hand, I do keep thinking things like, “When we get back to Japan…” and “Oh! I need to tell Candi…”and “When Rachelle and I start working out again…” My brain is refusing to acknowledge that we, as a family, will never go back to the way things were. And because of this, I’ve been pondering the pros and cons of Life In Mayberry…

The great things about living in the US again:

-Needing something, walking right into Target, and buying it
-Having the choice between 10 different granola bars at the grocery store
-…and along those lines, Fresh Produce
-Signs in English
-Current movies
-American restaurants
-Not having to deal with Government Employees & Navy Rules and Regulations in my daily life
-Mail comes right to my house
-Being within 4 time zones of most of my friends and family
-Mild temperatures
-Here there are no crazy women and their drama in my backyard
-Anonymity
-No Teriyaki Burgers at McDonald’s or Azuki bean curd in donuts

Alas, there are things I miss:

-Tater…
-And unloading the day’s events together around the kitchen table
-My daily "walk-and-talk" with Rachelle
-“Candi” & “Mandi”
-Happy Hours in my front yard
-Being able to walk out my front door and, within seconds, finding a sympathetic ear or lending one
-The gentle Japanese disposition – Americans are much ruder
-Japanese bakeries
-“Taken for granted” plans with friends on Friday nights
-Japan in Autumn
-My students: Hiroko, Keiko, Ayako, and Taeko
-Not understanding stranger’s conversations in public
-Sushi
-There is a tree in Japan that blooms in September. It perfumes the entire base with the smell of apricots. I adore that smell.
-The freedom kids have in Japan

I'm proud to be an American, and so glad to be home, but I am equally proud to have called Japan my home for 4 years.

School in Indiana

Mackenzie, Dillon and I are here in Indiana!! Tater is still in Japan where he will remain until the middle of November.

The kid's schools started last Tuesday, 10th grade for D, and 4th grade for Noodle, and things here are hopping. They are both enjoying school so far, though we have already faced a few challenges:

Noodle has so much more homework than she ever had in Atsugi. She is not feeling very appreciative of that. Around 5-6 sheets per night, verses 1-2 before. But she does like her teacher, and for that I am grateful. She has a great reputation around the school, and I think that has made us all feel better. Noodle has been acutely aware of missing her Atsugi friends, especially her old classmates. Had she stayed in Japan, she would have looped with her class and she's feeling some regret over not being with them all. She's not made any real friends here yet, but I keep telling her that it's only been 3-and-a-half days, and I think she needs to give it more time. She did tell me that she has already learned those children to steer clear of, though! Such a perceptive little thing. I think it's the Military Brat in her. Maybe it's Me in her...

Dillon is doing a bit better than his sister. He got here 2 weeks before we did and joined the football team (JV) right away. So he had already met kids before the first day of school. A distinct advantage, I must say. He is a little overwhelmed, to say the least, over the fact that the freshman class, alone, is larger than his entire Middle School/High School-Combo in Japan. But he does seem to like his classes (well, I'm, not sure if he likes them, but he hasn't said he hates them!). The first football game was last night and though our team lost, we had a good time. It was a Varsity game, so he didn't play, but he did dress, and got to experience the excitement of 2 4-A teams squaring off. The final score was 19-15 Them, but considering the 19 points were all scored in the first 6 minutes of the game, I'd say our boys had an awesome comeback. The first JV game is tomorrow night, against my alma mater, so I'll have to keep you posted.

Moving Day

Goodbye Japan. Thank you for providing a secure, fun, educational, happy place for us to live for the past 4 years.

Mackenzie and I will see you in Indiana.